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Dec 11, 2010
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REBORN
I suddenly came to be
me
an individual
some say unique among myriad
white brethren
Having no religion or direction
I drift in a seeming random route
only connecting with others
by short -lived accident
from which I rebound
The short duration of
my brief lifetime
spirals slowly
inevitably
down
Until at last my beauty crashes
as I join my fellows who fell before me
and mingle with others once unique
in an ephemeral blanket
of a southern snow fall
which melts
leaving me free to evaporate
rise
and reform into another
Snowflake
( A voyage outside my usual style .........scribbler)
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - draft
Comments
scribbler
14 years 7 months ago
reincarnated
Hmmm... I thought it would become obvious at the end that I was writing about a snowflake and comparing it to an isolated individual. An example of my weak free verse skills I guess...............stan
scribbler
14 years 7 months ago
poem
the fault may well be in this poem and not the reader.......................stan
loved
14 years 7 months ago
I HAVE OBSERVED
You scribble one to one
i don;t mind
if you scribble for every two
i see of u
but do scrbble at once
will this favour to me
do
would you!
brittle light
14 years 7 months ago
you have no weak skills
I like this piece. it's a fine piece. I have had to read somethings many times to catch the drift
thinking there was something wrong with the piece....then whoa! I get it, it was there all the time
I misread it initially, or started with preconceptions. This is not the fault of the writer. This did not happen on this piece, for me. but I suppose it could have. Again, even if someone doesn't get it at first, it is not neccessarily the fault of the writer. I appreciate your modesty in response to Rosina's first comments, but you are not unskilled in freeform.
scribbler
14 years 7 months ago
thank you
I write little enough free form as to not be very confident in it. I also expect my initial title may have added to a reader's confusion. I felt this deeply enough to change a title only the second time in my over 200 writes. Thank you for your confidence boosting comment.................scribbler
scribbler
14 years 7 months ago
reborn
Upon further review the ruling on the field is overturned lol. I will delete "just " due to popular demand, but being a stubborn type guy I will wait a bit before changing much else. I appreciate your taking the time to read, consider, and comment on this.......scribbler
scribbler
14 years 7 months ago
reborn
the above reply is also directed your way.I will be glad when site is back to full function as I use form even more than this in most of my rare free verse writes. Thanks for visiting....................scribbler
scribbler
14 years 7 months ago
reborn
I am hardly a philosopher, as am too lazy to climb to a mountain top lol..................stan
mand
14 years 7 months ago
Hiya Stan
Bit like the water cycle only snow! I think - but cleverly done. Each snowflake is unique
Until at last my beauty crashes
as I join my fellows who fell before me
and mingle with others once unique
in an ephemeral blanket
of a southern snow fall
I enjoyed this little journey - look forward to more.
Brilliant Stan
Love Mand xxxxxxxx
scribbler
14 years 7 months ago
reborn
You remember my poem "Cycler "? Unbelievable. Always good to be visited by you.................stan