R A Y N E . . . . . .

Hi Esker,

I do believe you've put a great deal of feeling inside this, it paints a definite picture. I would have preferred for more length in this one to tell the rest of the story. Who is at home? Are you a soldier abroad? Are you a vigilante. I think some of the greatest poetry is a slice of something caught perfectly. With this work, when I was pulled out of the story, I didn't have enough enformati on to have the necessary emotional connection to go with the obviously dangerous noir imagery. All this is super easy to fix. Just give it some thought, try to detach yourself so you don't know the non-stated. Good read!
Blue Demon77

This poem paints a thoroughly noir picture, it paints a world around itself. There is also a dramatic tension of danger that is undeniable. I wanted more there to complete my emotional investment in the character(s). Who awaits at home? Are you a soldier abroad? are you a vigilante? Who's after you? I think if these few adjustments were made, you would be fully accomplishing what you've set out to do with this poem.
I feel that a lot of poetry is a perfect slice of something. Starts and stops at just the right time for its' intent. With RAYNE, I thought you pulled us out too quickly to the detriment of the impact. There is great potential here, only a few additions are required in my opinion.