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Jun 01, 2012
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raw
Some fruits eaten raw are better than fresh
your poetry is like raw mangoes
sweeter than sweet,
hard but finally soft
the breeze takes my heart away
every time I go to the sea,
I always feel so happy
with my spouse and me
at times,
I love to see other folks in bikinis
then my eyes open,
when they all smile at me
my torso is beyond imagination
round and round
some in my looks wish
I’d happiness have found
the breeze and the beach
are my signs of love
and
all else is useless
except all poetry above
As per experts edit ....Do read this......
Some fruits eaten raw are better than fresh
your poetry is like raw mangoes
sweeter than sweet
the breeze takes my heart away
every time I go to the sea
I always feel so happy
with my spouse
at times
I love to see other folks in bikinis
then my eyes open
when they all smile at me
my torso is beyond imagination
round and round…
the breeze and the beach
are my signs of love
and
all else is useless
except
poetry
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
weirdelf
13 years 1 month ago
Loved, you seem to be no longer spewing incoherence,
You are looking for and finding gems and using them to construct meaning.
Kudos.
loved
13 years 1 month ago
Love you Jess, Sir..my poetic maker...
you have been the best sledge hammer ever
hence
the coherence
judyanne
13 years 1 month ago
loved you still waflle
this is my cull, imho only i stress, and i don't want you to think you should use it.
but i do want you to look at it, compare it to yours, and try to see why i say you waffle :)
Some fruits eaten raw are better than fresh
your poetry is like raw mangoes
sweeter than sweet
the breeze takes my heart away
every time I go to the sea
I always feel so happy
with my spouse
at times
I love to see other folks in bikinis
then my eyes open
when they all smile at me
my torso is beyond imagination
round and round…
the breeze and the beach
are my signs of love
and
all else is useless
except
poetry
love and biggest hugs
judy
xxx
loved
13 years 1 month ago
You surely speak the truth ......
hence my waffle
comes to life
with your brush
and
I accept .
this one as yours ,
maybe half combined .
thanks
Judy
when a mind thinks
it just spews ,
then the doctor computer
comes to play
and
that becomes the actual
should have been
foreplay ,
oh my what did I say!
judyanne
13 years 1 month ago
no loved
it is your write - i just edited it
but i'm just trying to say that before you submit your writes you should leave them for a while and then go back and cull them yourself ... you have a unique voice that i love - when you are succinct :)
xxx
loved
13 years 1 month ago
ok
thanks
shall
regards
loved