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Jun 15, 2012
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Hold Up
Hold up!
Wait there
See the people
stop and stare
standing frozen
hand in pot
cleverly guising
his shifty plot
slowly moving
trying to leave
surely he see's it
the bread in your sleeve.
About This Poem
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
BlueDemon77
13 years 1 month ago
It paints a picture
It tells me alot (the picture flows outside the words). I see the scene you are setting and the only things I would say make things a little unclear is the use of "guising". I know often nouns are used in verb form but it did distract me in this piece. Kudos to the effective use of minimalism to paint a tableau.
Ron
Blue Demon77
Tommi Cordial
13 years 1 month ago
thank you
I'm glad you noticed the metaphor but did you notice the theft of the word? i sneaked it in not took it out. Only a poet would know it :)