Working With Japanese Poetry

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Senyru(Japanese Poetry Workshop)

Move your feet in dance.
Trip the light fantastical.
Laugh not when it falls.

About This Poem

Last Few Words: What do I know? Running late with everything.

Style/Type: Structured: Eastern

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Southern California, USA

Favorite Poets: Tolkien, Byron, Longfellow, Shakespeare, Dr. Suess, Elizabeth Browning, Robert Browning, Dickinson

Comments

Ian.T

13 years ago

Wesley

"Haiku" is written to show the seasons the next part is the "Senyru" this is as you have written this one about ??? think its about movement which would make a great Senyru, Yours Ian.T

Barbara Writes

13 years ago

nice one Wesley

it is Senyru you are doing great at this

scribbler

13 years ago

Hi Wes

You have mislabeled this one. Haiku almost invariable deals with nature(and usually seasonal changes). It is Senryu which deals with human relations. But the syllable count is correct for Haiku.............stan

wesley snow

13 years ago

Okay,

I wrote this thinking haiku. Obviously I'm neglecting my syllabus instruction. I will investigate and rewrite if possible. wesley

Barbara Writes

13 years ago

you can save it for your senyru part

and just write annother for haiku this senyru is such a really good one

wesley snow

13 years ago

Thank you Barbara.

That is my plan. I thought I had changed my title, but obviously I goofed up, so I will try it again.
Senyru take two.
wesley

weirdelf

13 years ago

matches the form, mate,

but doesn't it remind you a bit of those horrible chain emails like "dance like there's no-one watching?
I would like to see a unique human moment crystallised in few words. That is the lesson to be learned in expressing senryu.