Candlewitch

Jun 19, 2012 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Anniversary (revised)

"Anniversary"

A bouquet of roses
from your hands to mine,
while chilling on ice
a bottle of wine.

Gift box on the table
tied with red bows,
logs burn in the fireplace
while outside it snows
.
Long tapered candles
dimly lighting the room,
gently dispersing
those tendrils of gloom.

The moonlight streaming
through the windowpane,
soft music playing
an old lover's refrain.

Slow dancing in candle glow
you whisper warm and sincere,
so softly you reassure me
with "I love you my dear."

About This Poem

Last Few Words: This poem was written in honor of 30 years of marriage which Steve and I celebrate on the 27th of June. I will be going into the manuscript "Mirror rorriM" please do make suggestions if you have them, they are most welcome. thanks, Cat ps. thanks to those who helped with suggestions and those who read and responded!

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Northwestern Wisconsin USA, USA

Favorite Poets: Edgar Allan Poe, William Blake, Bob Dylan, Tom Petty, Carlos Castaneda, Jim Morrison, the whole of Neopoet and many more.

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Comments

Rula

13 years ago

beautiful writing

And with lots of feelings..More happy years to come dear Cat

Don't you think it should be
You whisper warmly and "sincerely" as it describes here the verb whisper

Candlewitch

13 years ago

Dear Rula,

Thank you for reading and responding. I hope I have fixed the problem. Your suggestions are appreciated!

always, Cat

loved

13 years ago

Such lovely soft and smooth feelings

Such lovely soft and smooth feelings
will anyone with you endear
have no fear
life is a beautiful gift ,
i hope you do hear
and
enjoy , Cat
an anniversary
for us all
you are so dear..

Candlewitch

13 years ago

Thank You Dearest Loved...

You say the lovliest things! You are loved.

love, Cat

loved

13 years ago

I assure myself

that reverie
must have taken you back on this xth
anniversary.
as if
'twere the first one.

Candlewitch

13 years ago

Thank you Loved,

& hugs!

always, Cat

Roscoe Lane

13 years ago

He's,

He's a lucky man and i'm sure he appreciates this lovely poem. Love Roscoe...

Candlewitch

13 years ago

Dear Roscoe,

Thank you for your gracious comment and good wishes!

always, Cat

arja

13 years ago

Happy Anniversary to you and your love!

..i feel loves warmth in here, and the images flash by..very close at heart! ..you have captured the very moment and shared it with us here.. lovely write!

Candlewitch

13 years ago

Dear arja,

Thank you for a lovely comment!
:)

always, Cat

scribbler

13 years ago

Hi newly wed

The emotions are all here. Normally I'd not offer suggestions considering the subject but since you made a point of wanting ideas here goes :
1st I'd break it into 4 line stanzas
then
....L-3 try while chilling in ice
...L-7 tied with red bows (helps later rhyme)
...L-8 logs burn in the fireplace
...L-11 gently dispersing
...L-15 soft music playing
...L-16 an old lovers' refrain
I think these or other changes might help this read smoother. As usual feel free to use any or all ideas as you see fit.(but I expect Steve will love it as is)............stan

Candlewitch

13 years ago

Dear Stan,

Thank you for all your help! I have followed it to the letter! You have a great eye for form and content! You and your suggestions are most welcome on all of my (& eddy's) poems!

Hugs, Cat

Candlewitch

13 years ago

Thank You Lonnie,

my most loyal and gracious reader!

Hugs, Cat

judyanne

13 years ago

dearest cat

i wish you and steve the happiest of anniverseraries
and this is a beautiful poetic way to celebrate your appreciation
nothng to crit
love judy
xxx

ps - hope you are feeling better and getting over your flu xx

Candlewitch

13 years ago

Dear Judy,

Thank you for reading and commenting on the poem for my special day. I am getting better, slowly, thanks to an immune system that sucks. Thank you for asking and thinking of me. You are very kind, as you always have been.

love, Cat

Ian.T

13 years ago

Cat

Congratulations on the 30 years of Love and having a love that is still the fire it was, lovely to know that you as many people have something so precious..
Love evolves Love, Yours Ian.T

Candlewitch

12 years 9 months ago

:)

Thank you, dear Ian!

always, Cat

Nilmini

12 years 9 months ago

Now

... THIS IS MY STYLE!
I love the romance that's filled to the brim. Together with the smooth flow of words, the Rhyming and the rhythem, your poem makes me want to waltz round the room. Thank you so much for this gift.

And I wish you both decades of more shared love and happiness!
With lots of love and a big hug!

Candlewitch

12 years 9 months ago

Dear Nilmini,

It was so very sweet of you to page through the archives to this poem and comment! I appreciate it greatly! I very much enjoyed chatting with you yesterday!

Wishing you all the best,
Cat