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Aug 09, 2012
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Banging Away... Rhyme Patterns workshop
Banging on the gong
Gets her heart to thumping
Before it is too long
Her body starts to jumping
He bangs away all night
She doesn’t mind a bit
Jill thinks that it’s alright
She hopes he doesn’t quit
Jack is really great
He keeps on like a bunny
His timing is first rate
He don’t do nothing funny
He just keeps on the beat
Never falters once
She's potatoes, he’s the meat
Jack’s no bumbling dunce
Now comes the final stroke
Jack and Jill are done
See what happens when there’s Coke? [registered trade mark]
You can have such fun!
About This Poem
Style/Type: Structured: Western
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Geezer
12 years 10 months ago
I do hope...
that the [registered trademark] didn't throw you off.LOL
~Gee
scribbler
12 years 10 months ago
Hi Gee
Hmm...maybe I need to go b to regular Coke instead of diet lmao. I liked this and it will be of great use later on. The short lines really help in the SS feel...................stan
Geezer
12 years 10 months ago
The short lines...
were meant to compliment the SS type of poem that this is supposed to be. Glad I did it right. Thanks, ~ Gee
judyanne
12 years 10 months ago
love it gee
sing-songy and a fun write
only one thing maybe worth a comment
'She potatoes, he’s the meat'
maybe either
'She's potatoes, he’s the meat'
or
'She potatoes, he the meat'
love judy
xxx
Ian.T
12 years 10 months ago
Gee
We are excelling in this first simple part of this workshop yours is Great,
Yours Ian.T ( What a coke (Trade mark of some drink) head)
Rula
12 years 10 months ago
Nice SS lines
lovely write gee.Enjoyed your first lines here for the shop.