SS Judas (eddy styx)

SS Judas

paper boat
afloat
a massive
puddle
matchstick man
at the helm
papyrus sails
pregnant
by sneeze
your cruiser
catching up
with
my progress
no warning shot
fired
across my bow
you waved a white flag
of slick betrayal
then rammed me broadside

About This Poem

Last Few Words: Thanks for the tital suggestions! (used to be "Titanic") always, eddy styx

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Not actively editing

About the Author

Region, Country: Northwestern Wisconsin USA, USA

Favorite Poets: Edgar Allan Poe, William Blake, Bob Dylan, Tom Petty, Carlos Castaneda, Jim Morrison, the whole of Neopoet and many more.

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Comments

Ian.T

12 years 10 months ago

Chrys

Paper Dreams, would be fine then the Titanic could still be used as a sub heading and the whole thing left as is.
I liked this write, it held me till the end, I will read again to see if there is an underlying story but that may take time, Yours Ian.T

Candlewitch

12 years 9 months ago

Dear Ian,

Thank you! I appreciate your time and attention spent on reading my little poem :) be well.

always, eddy styx

loved

12 years 10 months ago

you compare well a woman's situation

with the Titanic
but to call it a paper weight
will be highly derogatory
and to compare with your feather weight
at least charming
could you please re-title it
in the hope of retaining
an established miseries memory..

Candlewitch

12 years 9 months ago

Dear Loved,

I would gladly consider any alternate title suggestions. Suggestions will be most welcome, as I seem to have run aground on inspirational titles. Thank you for reading this piece and making a suggestion.

always, eddy