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I Had a Little Help
If I don't take them,
they will never let me leave.
These pills meant to raise
a magic wall around me
built on the strength of
1,000 milligrams.
A chemical fortress
that crumbles
with the breath of words
whispered from the eyes
that wept when the key
turned behind me.
They see me, a cliche,
bruised, battered, bleeding
and broken,
against the wall.
Not the wall that fell.
This wall with the key
they won't turn.
This wall they constructed
with every fist
that storied my youth.
No one wants to speak
of what the wall did
- is doing - to me;
only whisper about how I
need the wall,
these walls,
this massive sanctum
to protect me
from me.
If only they would
stop crying,
stop whispering
long enough,
they just might realize
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Rula
11 years 4 months ago
I thought
there's a very effective use of allegory throughout.
Are you aware of it.
I read this as a representation of child abuse.... Please tell me if l'm off the right track but I find it very touching anyway especially the last few lines.
If only they would
stop crying,
stop whispering
long enough,
they just might realize
Well done!
eightmenout
11 years 4 months ago
Rula
You are most correct.
Thank you for taking the time to comment.
Scott
Race_9togo
11 years 4 months ago
Scott
Very powerful; this hits closer to home than I care to think about.
Particularly the last stanza. Everyone is reacting, everyone is pitying and treating, but no one is listening.
Most very excellent poetry.
eightmenout
11 years 4 months ago
Jim
Thanks for stopping by. appreciate the compliment.
Scott
Roscoe Lane
11 years 4 months ago
Excellent poem,
Excellent poem, but such a sad story. Regards Roscoe...
eightmenout
11 years 4 months ago
Roscoe
Thanks for stopping by and offering the compliment. Unfortunately, most stories I write are sad. However, I am working on changing this.
Again, thanks. Always welcome your opinion.
Scott
wesley snow
11 years 4 months ago
Hope you can find some happy pills.
This one is rough.
eightmenout
11 years 4 months ago
Wes
Thank you, Sir for stopping by. As far as content, you expected....?
How is the writing after the lay off?
eightmenout
11 years 4 months ago
I didn't think this one was
I didn't think this one was as dark as most of my work. I felt like Love Affair was far darker than this.
wesley snow
11 years 4 months ago
You're still a blast.
What are your plans? How is your time?
eightmenout
11 years 4 months ago
To write when I can. Lately
To write when I can. Lately that has been anywhere from 11 pm to 2 am. My time is severely limited right now because of my business. Going to be that way for a while.
How have you been?