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I Had a Little Help

If I don't take them,
they will never let me leave.

These pills meant to raise
a magic wall around me
built on the strength of
1,000 milligrams.
A chemical fortress
that crumbles
with the breath of words
whispered from the eyes
that wept when the key
turned behind me.

They see me, a cliche,
bruised, battered, bleeding
and broken,
against the wall.
Not the wall that fell.
This wall with the key
they won't turn.
This wall they constructed
with every fist
that storied my youth.

No one wants to speak
of what the wall did
- is doing - to me;
only whisper about how I
need the wall,
these walls,
this massive sanctum
to protect me
from me.

If only they would
stop crying,
stop whispering
long enough,

they just might realize

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: South Carolina, United States, USA

Favorite Poets: Edgar Allen Poe, Henry Rollins, Langston Hughes, Emily Dickinson

More from this author

Comments

Rula

Rula

11 years 4 months ago

I thought

there's a very effective use of allegory throughout.
Are you aware of it.
I read this as a representation of child abuse.... Please tell me if l'm off the right track but I find it very touching anyway especially the last few lines.

If only they would
stop crying,
stop whispering
long enough,

they just might realize

Well done!

E

eightmenout

11 years 4 months ago

Rula

You are most correct.

Thank you for taking the time to comment.

Scott

Race_9togo

Race_9togo

11 years 4 months ago

Scott

Very powerful; this hits closer to home than I care to think about.
Particularly the last stanza. Everyone is reacting, everyone is pitying and treating, but no one is listening.
Most very excellent poetry.

E

eightmenout

11 years 4 months ago

Jim

Thanks for stopping by. appreciate the compliment.

Scott

E

eightmenout

11 years 4 months ago

Roscoe

Thanks for stopping by and offering the compliment. Unfortunately, most stories I write are sad. However, I am working on changing this.

Again, thanks. Always welcome your opinion.

Scott

E

eightmenout

11 years 4 months ago

Wes

Thank you, Sir for stopping by. As far as content, you expected....?

How is the writing after the lay off?

E

eightmenout

11 years 4 months ago

To write when I can. Lately

To write when I can. Lately that has been anywhere from 11 pm to 2 am. My time is severely limited right now because of my business. Going to be that way for a while.

How have you been?