raj

Sep 27, 2014 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Dream of a droplet

I dream to be
a tiny drop in the Sea,
only then would I
fathom the depths of its emotions,
feel its turmoil
pulsating in tides,
as they ebb and flow
in relentless toil.

Yes, I crave to be
that tiny drop in the sea,
swirling in the salts
a million rivers bleed,
seeking salvation
beneath the awning
of celestial skies, cleansing
in His divine light.

Oh! I pray to live
a dream of that drop in Sea,
to be a drop of rain
to quench the thirst of a seed
whose fate hangs
between life and death.
Only then shall I
be appeased…

About This Poem

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Somewhere in the world, IND

Comments

Rula

10 years 9 months ago

Hello Raj

wonderful meanings conveyed through out your lines.
The last stanza gave me an idea. What do you think if you let each stanza expresses a wish to be a drop for example an ocean, a sea and a river. As I see the last stanza has no consistant logic as you started with a drop in the sea then a drop of rain.

However, that was only a suggestion. As I said, I really loved the concept behind this and how you have crafted it.
Thanks for sharing this.

raj

10 years 9 months ago

Hello Rula

This poem I had written for World Environment Day. I had forgotten about it till I recently saw that a dear friend, who is a woman of great virtues, has published it on her website. Since I noticed that I had not published it here, thought of doing so.

I always appreciate your comments, especially when you find time to visit at a time when a lot of your time is being devoted to the ongoing workshop being jointly hosted by Wesley & you.

As for your comment about inconsistency noticed in the concluding verse, I wish to bring to your notice that, what was meant was "the drop in the sea evaporates to take a form of rain drop before descending back on earth to quench the thirst of a seed" ...having said that do you think there is no break in consistency or do you feel it still lacks it. Would welcome your critic on that.

Regards,

Rula

10 years 9 months ago

hello again raj

Of course after your clarification, it makes much sense.I am sorry I have missed this at my first read.
I thought maybe another title will do the job of showing your intent. Maybe something like "A dream of a rain drop"?
Just a thought.
Thanks for sharing.

raj

10 years 9 months ago

Hello again Rula

Thanks for the suggestion about title. Sounds better. Accepted and implemented with a tiny change :).

Regards,

Rula

10 years 9 months ago

VERY FINE!!

Indeed.
I'm happy you found my suggestion of some use. :)

raj

10 years 9 months ago

Thanks again Rula for your

Thanks again Rula for your time and intervention.

Regards,

emeka ozurumba

10 years 9 months ago

perfect no abrasions

very beautiful poem raj

raj

10 years 9 months ago

Thank you Emeka for stopping

Thank you Emeka for stopping by. Nice to know you liked it.

Regards,

China Blue

10 years 9 months ago

Raj

Hi there
one very tiny tweak
fathom depths) it is fine but what if you added "the" fathom the depths or not lol
interesting use of a droplet of water very interesting

raj

10 years 9 months ago

Chrys

Thank you for your time to visit this page. Your suggestion is spot on and already implemented. You have eyes like a hawk to spot the error lol. Good to know you found this interesting.

Regards,