raj

Sep 27, 2014 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Dream of a droplet

I dream to be
a tiny drop in the Sea,
only then would I
fathom the depths of its emotions,
feel its turmoil
pulsating in tides,
as they ebb and flow
in relentless toil.

Yes, I crave to be
that tiny drop in the sea,
swirling in the salts
a million rivers bleed,
seeking salvation
beneath the awning
of celestial skies, cleansing
in His divine light.

Oh! I pray to live
a dream of that drop in Sea,
to be a drop of rain
to quench the thirst of a seed
whose fate hangs
between life and death.
Only then shall I
be appeased…

About This Poem

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Somewhere in the world, IND

Comments

Rula

11 years ago

Hello Raj

wonderful meanings conveyed through out your lines.
The last stanza gave me an idea. What do you think if you let each stanza expresses a wish to be a drop for example an ocean, a sea and a river. As I see the last stanza has no consistant logic as you started with a drop in the sea then a drop of rain.

However, that was only a suggestion. As I said, I really loved the concept behind this and how you have crafted it.
Thanks for sharing this.

raj

11 years ago

Hello Rula

This poem I had written for World Environment Day. I had forgotten about it till I recently saw that a dear friend, who is a woman of great virtues, has published it on her website. Since I noticed that I had not published it here, thought of doing so.

I always appreciate your comments, especially when you find time to visit at a time when a lot of your time is being devoted to the ongoing workshop being jointly hosted by Wesley & you.

As for your comment about inconsistency noticed in the concluding verse, I wish to bring to your notice that, what was meant was "the drop in the sea evaporates to take a form of rain drop before descending back on earth to quench the thirst of a seed" ...having said that do you think there is no break in consistency or do you feel it still lacks it. Would welcome your critic on that.

Regards,

Rula

11 years ago

hello again raj

Of course after your clarification, it makes much sense.I am sorry I have missed this at my first read.
I thought maybe another title will do the job of showing your intent. Maybe something like "A dream of a rain drop"?
Just a thought.
Thanks for sharing.

raj

11 years ago

Hello again Rula

Thanks for the suggestion about title. Sounds better. Accepted and implemented with a tiny change :).

Regards,

Rula

11 years ago

VERY FINE!!

Indeed.
I'm happy you found my suggestion of some use. :)

raj

11 years ago

Thanks again Rula for your

Thanks again Rula for your time and intervention.

Regards,

emeka ozurumba

11 years ago

perfect no abrasions

very beautiful poem raj

raj

11 years ago

Thank you Emeka for stopping

Thank you Emeka for stopping by. Nice to know you liked it.

Regards,

China Blue

11 years ago

Raj

Hi there
one very tiny tweak
fathom depths) it is fine but what if you added "the" fathom the depths or not lol
interesting use of a droplet of water very interesting

raj

11 years ago

Chrys

Thank you for your time to visit this page. Your suggestion is spot on and already implemented. You have eyes like a hawk to spot the error lol. Good to know you found this interesting.

Regards,