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Nov 07, 2014
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An eye for a heart
I sat ever so silently,
Not a whisper escaping my soul.
What's true-
Might not always be reality,
Nothing is ever built whole.
I watched the birds fly,
All across the deep azure-
Of the sky,
Circling in depth of my eyes-
And then I realized,
I was staring at an ocean.
About This Poem
Last Few Words: I don't usually write short poems but I think I did justice with this.
Style/Type: Free verse
Editing Stage: Not actively editing
Comments
lovedly
10 years 7 months ago
this is
small
but like an ocean man
you are born to sail
let your eyes be the oars
Rula
10 years 7 months ago
sorry
duplicated post
.
aviisevil
10 years 7 months ago
Duplicated ?
Duplicated ?
Rula
10 years 7 months ago
Hello avi
and a warm welcome to the Neo
I like this very much. I couldn't think of many things to suggest but a change in verb tense here as you have used past through out the piece.
Not a whisper [escaped] my soul
Hope you don't mind it.
Looking to read more of yours.
Ian.T
10 years 7 months ago
Aviis
A lovely write and really good to have you with us.
Hope that you can continue to be with us here your write has brought a fresh pen to this fold, I look forward to reading more of your works, Yours As always, Ian.T
weirdelf
10 years 7 months ago
I can't quite pin down why I like this so much
Sure, it is evocative, somehow a cross between a Japanese watercolour and the simple serenity of just being, yet it has that certain je ne sais quoi that lends it a picturesque, slightly surreal charm.
Sorry, I have nothing constructive to offer.