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Nov 07, 2014
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An eye for a heart
I sat ever so silently,
Not a whisper escaping my soul.
What's true-
Might not always be reality,
Nothing is ever built whole.
I watched the birds fly,
All across the deep azure-
Of the sky,
Circling in depth of my eyes-
And then I realized,
I was staring at an ocean.
About This Poem
Last Few Words: I don't usually write short poems but I think I did justice with this.
Style/Type: Free verse
Editing Stage: Not actively editing
Comments
lovedly
10 years 10 months ago
this is
small
but like an ocean man
you are born to sail
let your eyes be the oars
Rula
10 years 10 months ago
sorry
duplicated post
.
aviisevil
10 years 10 months ago
Duplicated ?
Duplicated ?
Rula
10 years 10 months ago
Hello avi
and a warm welcome to the Neo
I like this very much. I couldn't think of many things to suggest but a change in verb tense here as you have used past through out the piece.
Not a whisper [escaped] my soul
Hope you don't mind it.
Looking to read more of yours.
Ian.T
10 years 10 months ago
Aviis
A lovely write and really good to have you with us.
Hope that you can continue to be with us here your write has brought a fresh pen to this fold, I look forward to reading more of your works, Yours As always, Ian.T
weirdelf
10 years 10 months ago
I can't quite pin down why I like this so much
Sure, it is evocative, somehow a cross between a Japanese watercolour and the simple serenity of just being, yet it has that certain je ne sais quoi that lends it a picturesque, slightly surreal charm.
Sorry, I have nothing constructive to offer.