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Dreamdoor
You fell into the abyss,
But did you let go...
When darkness gets heavy,
Wear it like a blanket...
A curtain of glass,
Dont stride in too fast,
As you already are,
On the other side...
Laughter like snow,
Fresh cotton candy,
Melts in the mouth,
And flows to the heart...
Lit up and sparkling,
Eyes like the night sky,
Bejewelled with gems,
Of stars not seen before...
Come join me for a bite,
A slice of the moon,
Or a piece of this sky,
No one will miss a corner...
Then off shall we go,
For a ride on this breeze,
Lets invite the Gods,
Lest they feel envy's...
When you would wake up,
Then dont blink too hard,
Open your eyes gently,
As dreams are fragile...
About This Poem
Last Few Words: Written as a tribute to the great indian poet and lyricist Gulzar...
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Seren
10 years 3 months ago
Hello :)
Haven't had the pleasure of reading your poetry before and this is just amazing you have me hooked i'll be around from time to time annoying you ;)
spectacular poem great tribute
Kind regards Jayne
eliminist
10 years 3 months ago
Sincerely appreciate the kind
Sincerely appreciate the kind words - cheers...
emeka ozurumba
10 years 3 months ago
lyricism on top notch spur
the merits of the poem lie in its deep philoshophies which when i transcribed i became more beneficial to the pice. great job
eliminist
10 years 3 months ago
I am truly grateful for the
I am truly grateful for the appreciation - cheers...