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May 04, 2016
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Scraps
A dripping old willow
sheltering
the gray and lost,
hushing colorless
rainbow sighs.
A raised goblet's shattering fall
had forever affixed
joy with despair.
Parched, dust covered dreams
A travelers trunk, rusted shut
Lullabies drifting, listless, unsung
Blank memories
tearfully pondered,
all the while,
the old willow just shakes off the rain
.............................................................
About This Poem
Last Few Words: this raggedy patchwork needs a stylist, a makeover. Volunteers?....anyone?
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - draft
Comments
Eduardo Cruz
9 years 2 months ago
Al,
Very cribbed write, pictures of times passed.
I like what you captured here.
My three favorite lines that tell all of this poem;
"Parched, dust covered dreams
A travelers trunk, rusted shut
Lullabies drifting, listless, unsung"
The rhythm and structure is really, really well done!
thanks for sharing this jewel...
Eddie C.
brittle light
9 years 2 months ago
Thanks Eddie,
I do so appreciate your appraisal.
When I finished piecing this together, I started wondering if anyone could see it as anything but a patchworked mess.
Sometimes, staring too long at something can wobble one's vision.
Now I know someone else can see it to.
That is satisfying, to say the least.
thanks for the generous critique
Roscoe Lane
9 years 2 months ago
Excellent,
Excellent, like this a lot for the reasons given above and more. Regards Roscoe...
brittle light
9 years 2 months ago
Roscoe
I thank you, my ego thanks you, and my alter ego, (who never knows what the hell is going on), would thank you too, if he could.
until,