Scraps

A dripping old willow
sheltering
the gray and lost,
hushing colorless
rainbow sighs.

A raised goblet's shattering fall
had forever affixed
joy with despair.

Parched, dust covered dreams

A travelers trunk, rusted shut

Lullabies drifting, listless, unsung

Blank memories
tearfully pondered,
all the while,

the old willow just shakes off the rain

.............................................................

— brittle light, May 04, 2016

About This Poem

Last Few Words: this raggedy patchwork needs a stylist, a makeover. Volunteers?....anyone?

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Draft

About the Author

Region, Country: upstate New York USA, USA

Critiques

Eduardo Cruz

10 years 1 month ago

Al,

Very cribbed write, pictures of times passed.
I like what you captured here.
My three favorite lines that tell all of this poem;

"Parched, dust covered dreams

A travelers trunk, rusted shut

Lullabies drifting, listless, unsung"

The rhythm and structure is really, really well done!

thanks for sharing this jewel...

Eddie C.

brittle light

10 years 1 month ago

I do so appreciate your appraisal.
When I finished piecing this together, I started wondering if anyone could see it as anything but a patchworked mess.
Sometimes, staring too long at something can wobble one's vision.
Now I know someone else can see it to.
That is satisfying, to say the least.

thanks for the generous critique