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Let Him Beat Me

If I'm down,
and not down for the count;
If I'm on the ground,
and come to my weak
knocking knees,
then unsteadily to my feet
don't count me out
or disqualify me
just yet.

If life,
or circumstance,
or the Devil himself
should knock me to the canvas,
to where my body is broken
and my face is bruised
and my lip is split and bloody,
even so
don't count me down
if I so much as get up
on my two wobbly legs.

Let him beat me
let him earn it
let my body nor my mind betray me,
let him reap the spoils of victory
if he can knock me out.
If he can finally finish me
after every punch to my gut,
then let him brag
to all who'll listen
that he alone brought me down.

But until that day
until that day
until that day
I'll struggle and hurt
and wipe the sweat and blood
out of my stinging eyes,
swing where I can,
block when I can
and get to my feet again,
however shaky they might be.

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

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Comments

Eduardo Cruz

Eduardo Cruz

9 years ago

Good stuff!

Perseverance is a great trait that will carry you through it all in life.
I liked this a lot!

Eddie C.

vandiemenspeak

vandiemenspeak

9 years ago

This stopped me in my tracks Connect..

Earnest, defiant, human - bloody well put together free verse, light touch when needed, and swell of emotion, when needed, also rings true. Great poem, one that gets inside your head, not many do.
I thought:
"let my body nor my mind betray me,"

maybe:
"let not my body, nor my mind betray me" ?

Just suggestion - doesn't detract the great narrative voice you have here.

Good stuff, enjoyed,

Take care.

Chris.

C

Conect11

7 years 7 months ago

A postscript

Only about two hours after writing this my (now) wife and I found out that we had suffered a miscarriage. Silly as it sounds, I blamed myself for writing such an "arrogant" poem that morning.

vandiemenspeak

vandiemenspeak

7 years 6 months ago

Oh bloody helll..

So sorry to hear that mate. Nothing , no words of wisdom,,just hope you guys are OK.

Sincerely.

Cheers.

Chris