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Let Him Beat Me
If I'm down,
and not down for the count;
If I'm on the ground,
and come to my weak
knocking knees,
then unsteadily to my feet
don't count me out
or disqualify me
just yet.
If life,
or circumstance,
or the Devil himself
should knock me to the canvas,
to where my body is broken
and my face is bruised
and my lip is split and bloody,
even so
don't count me down
if I so much as get up
on my two wobbly legs.
Let him beat me
let him earn it
let my body nor my mind betray me,
let him reap the spoils of victory
if he can knock me out.
If he can finally finish me
after every punch to my gut,
then let him brag
to all who'll listen
that he alone brought me down.
But until that day
until that day
until that day
I'll struggle and hurt
and wipe the sweat and blood
out of my stinging eyes,
swing where I can,
block when I can
and get to my feet again,
however shaky they might be.
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - draft
Comments
Eduardo Cruz
9 years ago
Good stuff!
Perseverance is a great trait that will carry you through it all in life.
I liked this a lot!
Eddie C.
jane210660
9 years ago
I really like this positive
I really like this positive message. I'm not out, till I'm out......... until then......... count me in. Jx
vandiemenspeak
9 years ago
This stopped me in my tracks Connect..
Earnest, defiant, human - bloody well put together free verse, light touch when needed, and swell of emotion, when needed, also rings true. Great poem, one that gets inside your head, not many do.
I thought:
"let my body nor my mind betray me,"
maybe:
"let not my body, nor my mind betray me" ?
Just suggestion - doesn't detract the great narrative voice you have here.
Good stuff, enjoyed,
Take care.
Chris.
Conect11
7 years 7 months ago
A postscript
Only about two hours after writing this my (now) wife and I found out that we had suffered a miscarriage. Silly as it sounds, I blamed myself for writing such an "arrogant" poem that morning.
vandiemenspeak
7 years 6 months ago
Oh bloody helll..
So sorry to hear that mate. Nothing , no words of wisdom,,just hope you guys are OK.
Sincerely.
Cheers.
Chris