lovedly

Feb 13, 2018 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

This poem is part of the workshop:

Sunku: beyond rhyme and rhythm, search for new structures in short form

(Read More...)

one two and three (SUNKU WORKSHOP) IRIZ

tonight
happiness
secretary

mature
feminine
appreciate

REVIEWED at Behest

Tonight
happiness
Secretary

Mature
feminine
appreciate

Hammer
dangerous
celebration

Howz it any better
imagine the event
with closed eyes

About This Poem

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: UNIVERSE...ETERNITY C/O ME, ROU

Favorite Poets: All across the Internet whom I read , and they inspire..

Comments

IRiz

7 years 4 months ago

Welcome to the workshop. Great start, Lovedly!

Hello my friend, you are nearly there.
You have room for one more stanza to explain and develop your so far a bit too criptic poem.
But I see a lot of things behind it already.
My own mind started working along the lines.
It is a good sign if you make the reader to start imagening or remembering. Looking forward to your reply.

lovedly

7 years 4 months ago

thanks tomorrow perhaps I

will add another stanza

If i recall you had mentioned somewhere
let imagery till the reader's mind
so I left is as such
You get the whole spirit
others will too
This has been my first concerted effort
to forget my free style
only coz of your encouragement
as you graded me
as a poet

OTHERS still doubt it!
though a minuscule...

IRiz

7 years 4 months ago

No doubts, you are a poet.

No doubts, you are a poet. Maybe a bad one though. I am kidding, my friend. I hope you will laugh with me.
Let's just don't give a duck what people think. Let's just write what we want and how we feel. Hugs.

lovedly

7 years 4 months ago

kindness ----smile Iriz

o young poet
you are a sport
unheard of amidst
SELF STYLED
stalwarts
I have amended
rather added the third stanza already
now may I LOL

WITH THEE
great poet ye,...

raj

7 years 4 months ago

Good to see you jump in this

Good to see you jump in this Workshop wagon Lovedly...

Regards..

IRiz

7 years 4 months ago

Ha, unexpected ending.

Ha, unexpected ending.
I am imagining you wrote about an office affair, that was uncovered and had unwanted implications.
It is most unexpected subject for a poem. Unconventional.
But maybe I misunderstood?

lovedly

7 years 4 months ago

my exposure to the whole WILD world & wide is QUITE open

is set in this
sunku

such things
nowadays
are common

and open
it always happened
covered under sheets
of darkness .....

My free style
may have to be termed
as Lovedlu

as to count syllables
I can't much ado

your smile Iriz
is revealing
thanks for the insinuations
o poet
stan has added
LOL
Secretary
Thanks
Stanley

IRiz

7 years 4 months ago

Stanly

Stanly
Is it your name
slipped through the slit
of your pseudonym?
Finally I will
have a means
to send my spells and posess
your unsuspecting soul.
Lol, loul, looouuulll...

(I hope you sufficiently scared)