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Oct 21, 2019
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Maintain silence
At times silence
is appreciated
much more than noise
I always remain silent
as deafness overpowers
others simply hate
screeching voices at the palate
silent folks
don't realize
others are not deaf
they yell
at the top of their voice
breaking absolute silence
they have no other choice
they yell
get out of here
go to hell
O friendly poets
your silence
is so soft and sweet
accept
my noisiness
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Sparrow 42
5 years 9 months ago
Loved
A very strong write.
You have always been secretive in who or where you are so all you can expect is a little caution from others lol.
Take care young Bard, one day you will walk closer to us.
Yours, Ian ..
Geezer
5 years 9 months ago
I think that...
he is an old guy, that loves his game. ~ Geezer.
.
lovedly
5 years 9 months ago
old yes Gee @80 ish
I compose poetry
off the cuff
you all edit it
All my poems have some basis
a point to make
so one does learn
lol
Eumolpus
5 years 9 months ago
deafness
is a great metaphor is a poem concerning voice, poetry, connection. I would try to explore that more.
Drop the first stanza, which is a command which does not find reference in the poem. Most poetry I find can drop the "so" "thus" and "but"
Here's how I might see the poem:
at times silence
is appreciated
much more than noise
I always remain silent
as deafness overpowers
others simply hate
screeching voices at the palate
silent folks
don't realize
others are not deaf
they yell
at the top of their voice
breaking absolute silence
they have no other choice
they yell
get out of here
go to hell
O friendly poets
your silence
is so soft and sweet
accept
my noisiness
I would end there. I have no idea what the last stanza line is implying. It's coming out of nowhere and i can't see the connection of both disgust ( a most powerful word ) and the eating. I have highlighted the paradox of the poem by ending with noisiness, what you are looking for in the poem.
My take.
lovedly
5 years 9 months ago
excellent Eumolpus
done it thanks
you have given
a new life
to my deafness
amendments accomplished
Rottiestyl
5 years 9 months ago
Loved
I really liked this. Loved the last stanza. Accept your noisiness as the poet words speak aloud. Love the imagery. ; )
lovedly
5 years 9 months ago
yes thanks
I have composed three silent /silence poems
over an expanse of time
Mark out the difference or indifference
as passes human time