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Sep 21, 2020
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The Happy Orphanage
Down at the orphanage it's celebration time
They're having a party, a real good time.
All the kiddies are frolicking gaily
As they get their cod liver oil daily
Queuing for the toilets to take their turn crapping
Listen to those metal doors all a-flapping.
They're as cheery as a snowman on the 1st of May,
As happy as a lonely bastard on Father's Day.
About This Poem
Style/Type: Structured: Western
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
Gracy
5 years 1 month ago
Oh my goodness, Edna! To
Oh my goodness, Edna! To think there are real orphanages like the one you so deftly describe in your poem. My mother gave us cod liver oil until some pills came on the market.
Your end rhymes are perfect, the content makes me want to cry and I have no nits. The last two verses say it all.
All the best, Gracy
Geezer
5 years 1 month ago
While I like...
the theme, your scansion stinks! In fact it's down-right shitty! LoL
But glad to see that you are still hanging out and writing. ~ Geez.
.
Edna Sweetlove
5 years 1 month ago
I agree the scansion stinks...
...but it's still worth a giggle.
.
Lavender
5 years 1 month ago
The Happy Orphanage
Hi, Edna,
Your poetry is addicting. You have such a unique style and you state so much. I agree - those last two lines are incredible, and are "pure Edna Sweetlove." Fitting title. Really like this one, even though it makes me sadly shudder.
Thank you,
L