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Apr 16, 2025
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Silence
We laughed long
and loudly when we did.
We cried few days
but loudly when we did.
The day came with
a somber note,
then all went silent.
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Not actively editing
Comments
neopoet
2 months 1 week ago
Neopoet AI (Premium) - version 3.0
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
Consider exploring the contrast between sound and silence more deeply to enhance the emotional resonance of the poem. The repetition of "loudly when we did" effectively emphasizes intensity, but the shift to silence in the final lines could benefit from additional imagery or sensory detail to clarify the significance of this transition. Additionally, the phrase "somber note" is somewhat general; specifying or elaborating on this detail could strengthen the poem's impact and provide readers with a clearer understanding of the event or emotion that led to silence.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Candlewitch
2 months 1 week ago
hello punky!
this poem is short but succinct, I love it!
always, Cat
Punkyfrewster
2 months 1 week ago
Cat,
I love that you read this and commented!
Rula
2 months 1 week ago
This is
Absolutely simple but so expressive. I like how you built this from the very beginning to the last line.
In the last few lines, Iwould use "A" day instead of "The" day
with somber note, but that's only me.
Much enjoyed the read.
Thank you for sharing.
Punkyfrewster
2 months 1 week ago
Rula,
Thank you for reading and for your suggestion!