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Smalt Skies/Blue Moon

beneath smalt skies of June
hangs there a pale-blue moon
awaits the night
without sun’s light---
sans cloaking shawl
or filt’ring pall---
somewhere ‘bove Rangoon …
or p’raps o’erlooking somewhat
a tamed Vermont.
moon’s patience dimmed,
her silence mute and gaunt---
to gnostic eye,
her face light-limned---
she bides her time within
accounting for her sin
till dimps has pulled
his holey curtain then,
when she not longer waits
for night to fall.

— barbsdad2003, Jun 16, 2007

About the Author

Country/Region: USA

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Critiques

weirdelf

weirdelf

18 years 12 months ago

Stretching yourself... cool

Man you are taking on the hardest thing I know here- really serious poetic content using a comic rhyming scheme. And it bloody nearly works. By the way what is "dimps"? cheers
B

barbsdad2003

18 years 12 months ago

Thanx for asking

dimps = dusk, twilight (a British word) I esp. like your qualifier, as in nearly works. Guess you could say it nearly plays. Thanx for reading. Yours
C

Conect11

18 years 12 months ago

your poem

has good language, and I really like the imagery. To my eyes, it looks like it could use some connecting pieces, an "a" here, "an" there, etc. But very visual and sincere, I especially like the line about "a tamed Vermont."

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