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B
barbsdad2003
Jul 05, 2007 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

on onging

feeling sadness, yearning,

longing 

can come from not

belonging.

 

a disk-shaped percussion

instrument

keeps silent for its lack of

gonging.

 

Chinese quite oft can waste their time

mah-jonging 

when they’re not so killing time

ping-ponging.

 

I drive close friends away with my anomalous

singsonging.

 

— barbsdad2003, Jul 05, 2007

About the Author

Country/Region: USA

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Critiques

C

Conect11

18 years 11 months ago

wistful

and sad, right from the start. I felt soreness and compassion after reading this poem of yours, not sure I've had that with your work before. The end line of each stanza hits low and deep, crashing with a *thud* but not shattering when it reaches Earth. I say that as awesome praise. Powerful, powerful stuff here.
B

barbsdad2003

18 years 11 months ago

Amazing, Your Insight Here, Mark!

This was written with a light heart---and to be funny. But now that you mention the "sad right from the start," I see it in clear relief. Wow! Three-D---and in color. How could I have been so unconscious in the writing, the proofreading, and then the posting? Thanx. You've awakened me this morning, which is when I wrote it. Though since I am basically a morning person, I'm usually not in need of a day's start-off alarm other than the calls of backyard birds. With much appreciation, Chuck
C

Conect11

18 years 11 months ago

incredible

how people can take their own perceptions away from things.

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