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"dust"

smoking patio
breathing pine bush
leaves of green razor.

the march leaf hanging like a crippled
butterfly–

Your dark glasses and oily skin.
I speak, the wind’s teasing nod
and yours’ indistinguishable.
You belch carcinogens, the spilling
smile of smoke, grinning contours
Thick. My sympathy is rotten honey
burnt faintly when you move to ash.

A starless morning,
the cuffed breeze,
sky’s crisp condescension with
the blueness of your monster:
to speak in taxidermy, words
empty sound bytes
your mouth reeling celluloid
stuffed with black feathers. I
will not see you long again, it
should grow dark tonight.

You will talk your way back into it

— Quillsvein1, Jul 05, 2007

Critiques

J

JT1

18 years 11 months ago

Quote

Oscar Wilder:, "All bad poetry comes from an good intent to write it..."
P

pinksheep

18 years 11 months ago

Dust

The poem has a nice flow I found the pacing to be quite serene,which is nice . The language use good exciting imagery ,similes good .This poem brought my senses back to life . This is the stuff that dreams are made of pinksheep
J

JT1

18 years 11 months ago

Okay

you are right in the comment, but what does this fucking poem have to say to me? My poem "Hope I don't have to eat my best friend..." Sorry you are what we use to call "A poster child for the use of a condemn, a.k.a.: another alcholol related incident..."
B

billy

18 years 11 months ago

not bad

didnt really know where u were heading with this but it was well wrote and it was pretty good im not gonna lie u did confuse the holy shit outta me but thats just cuz i suck at trying to figure out poems but ill get better u clown kicker
B

barbsdad2003

18 years 11 months ago

My Favorite Word Combo Here

refers to lungs that "belch carcinogens." Chuck Incidentally, I am acutely aware of newsworthy events being wars and accidents and crimes, but the biggest crime of all---and the biggest killer of all history, including of children---remains Big Tobacco. Which continues to be protected by unconscionable law ... and so held blithely legal. The other killers seem rather incidental. They pale in comparison.

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