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eight

 

let me withdraw
with the heavy but conspicuous
slide of a worn pool ball, number 8
tapped with endless regret by a loose
sardonic cue into a shallow pocket
where i am allowed to grow more forbidden
more avoided.

my black and white polish will begin
to saturate as a million fights
and drunken swings are thrown
over me. one day, taken unwillingly
by a callous hand, i will be cracked
in dreary frustration against the wall.

my waiting planet will explode into
orbits of destruction, till finally
my inky fragments are smeared
over a newspaper recounting it all.
then you will never be able to forget;
the story may even be 8 whole pages

— Quillsvein1, Jul 18, 2007

Critiques

C

Conect11

18 years 11 months ago

and I can tell

it's tight, your flow is halted severely. I've had so many poems like this it's not funny. I bet it would read really well at an open mike. Mark
weirdelf

weirdelf

18 years 11 months ago

beautifully crafted

love its seeming parallel allegory/actuality. I am tired tonight so it's probably me but I lose the thread in the last 3 lines. A newspaper story of 8 pages would be huge! Death of Lady Di, Hurricane in New Orleans or Tsunami in S.E. Asia. cheers, Jess
W

workingharleylady

18 years 10 months ago

comment on Eight

First i'd like to say how wonderfully written this is. As far as poetic imagery this runs the gamut. Extreme frustration huh? I would like to see your work when you're not trying, BRAVO!
F

fthillsboomer

18 years 4 months ago

Great

I've been in that pool hall a bunch.

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