marlene

Marlene

marlene’s rosary beads hung sweating from the
smooth skin tone
which seemed a dark pap smear screaming
for a heretic’s grace. she gave me a little
newspaper, "the daily bread", and seemed
surprised with rolling eyes that i could
quote christ. she talked in melted avenues
of steaming dissipation through which the
martyrs seemed to scream. she carded me
with the hollow of her eyes. she swayed
in her chair like a chicken and stared
through vistas of smoke laced divinity.
maybe when she touched those pipes she felt
a little bit closer to god. "she smoked
herself silly," my roommate said with fearful
contempt. perhaps this is true. though her
swaying carried me between
heaven and hell

— Quillsvein1, Aug 09, 2007

Critiques

Scout

18 years 10 months ago

Actually

I would not be inclined to mess with it too much, it has come out really well, it rocks along in a perfect rhythm, it is obvious your flow of thought was one stream, at least,that is how it reads to me. I like the tone the topic and the way you wrote it.

weirdelf

18 years 9 months ago

I feel I can only comment on this

by a highly similar/dissimilar experience. Flirting with a married pentecostal she was enchanted by my compassion and knowledge of the scriptures. Her husband was ready to beat me up. But oh, her pain showed, the line "which seemed a dark pap smear screaming" told me of what led her to this most highly suspect aspect of christianity. Are the pipes crack? Thank god I was not brought up a catholic, but if I ever became a Christian it would seem natural to be one. All the guilt and sin works well with my torments. Love the line from James Joyce' "Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man" where he says (not verbatim, working from memory) "I may not be an athiest but am not so insane as to be a protestant" Sorry this comment is so subjective, but maybe that is the power of it, I would not mess with it yet, if at all, this poem screamed to me and I love that. cheers, Jess

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