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pineappleheart
Sep 03, 2007 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

In Her Head

 

Her lungs grew in size,

Filled deeply with air.

He never had loved her,

And then she exhaled.

 

Fingers the weakest,

Heart beat to a stall.

This was all in her head,

Or nothing at all.

 

The mirrors now clear,

Her throat became wide,

And out came the bullet.

It’s not like she died.

 

— pineappleheart, Sep 03, 2007
More from this author

Critiques

ML

Michael Landau

18 years 9 months ago

I like it.

It has a good rhythm and rhyme. I'm not exactly sure what it is about, but it sounds interesting. It could be longer, to kind of expand on the idea that you're trying to get at.
ML

Michael Landau

18 years 9 months ago

I like it!

The rhythm and the rhyming are good. I think if it were longer, it would be better, but in general I like it. I don't really understand what the last line means. Sorry, this critique is probably not very good, but it is the first one that I have written here. I am new here.
C

Conect11

18 years 7 months ago

an honest

immediate, and impactful poem. I wish I saw this sooner. You commented on a coded poem of mine in September, I got the emails, but the comments never appeared on the poem until Andrew fixed a problem in the system today. I never even knew who left the comments, so thanks! Mark W.

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