A Long Time

It flows like it should and whispers the beat of a song.

an interal struggle written clear. In ink, David

well, i liked it. it has the right amount of beat that an amazing poem has, while it also has emotion intertwined with the words. it flows really well. congrats. rate me?

A more general audience? So, I'm guessing that this isn't about someone you know? Gosh, I really don't want to sound like I'm putting the poem down or anything but I've seen you write so much better. PLEASE don't take offense to that. I do like it, don't get me wrong, it's good! But as someone who has read more of your work... I just know you have the ability to touch my heart and really make me feel it. I'm actually really looking forward to you posting your other poems. I'd love to read them again. You're one of the best, Tom.

Cos this time I am going to give you some serious crit. It feels male arrogant. It has truth and honesty and I have felt like her. But there is a nasty presumptuousness of "you, girl, get over it". An implication of her failings. Maybe brutally honest. But left me with a nasty aftertaste. It takes two to fail. cheers, Jess

rather than the loss of what you did not want to lose or let go of I would guess this is one of you works about your son and you trying to elate that to a wife or girlfriend while sick in your bed with the grief you have every right to feel and to share but, not being a little more direct with the cause to the effect I would easily missconsrew the loss to a love of the female or lover if you will instead of the child the message of A father sould never out live his son comes to mind quiet vividitly or the other But knowing what I know now of your works i SEE THIS MORE CLEARER then I would have at first I came to the site. It is a beatiful peom when one knows of what you are or may be refering too But lost are those who would not they would most likely take the lost to something other than the child Maybe a kicker at the end of the peom a reveal let them think and then let them know of whom and what you speak of I personally think the two losses do differ from one anther some say loss is loss but I dis agree I had a close call with my daughter and a loss of one of my children could eaisly Put me at odds with the world and my God easily and to be able to share that hurt to make people see it even when they don't want too well what can be said too that no greater loss is their to lose a child before their time I speak not only of God but of Man My peom distateful lies and buterflie is a bout a father that chose to give up his life to try and save his daughter I Dear friend I see in this peom you would have done the same if given the chance