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Jun 25, 2011
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It only comes once /re-write- (cliches workshop)
I ask you to be careful
keep it hush hush
it’s best they don’t know
Now they’ll see it
as nothing
in scheme of things
I am truly interested
to see the end of this
Just close your mouth
so it doesn’t come
toppling down
This way you’ll be free
to do as you please
Some evils are necessary
too do what you must
Steel yourself
for what is to come
Your about to embark
on something
that will be tough
I am scared for you
but it’s possible
you might reach the top
I hope they don’t find out
this game that you play
There will be times
when the going gets tough
You’ve wanted this
like an itch
that needs to be scratch
Now do what you feel
show them all who you are
This endeavor
only happens once
take it by the horns and hang on
with all you got
Your thinking must be deep
if you expected it to work
I see many scenarios
in my head
so go head and make your start
begin this long term plan
and be counted
for this is your final chance
About This Poem
Last Few Words: Wow, does this poem suck! Still I learned something, stay far away from cliches. Chrys I paid some one to hunt you down! LMFAO
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Barbara Writes
14 years ago
Eddie
I like this smooth flowing poem. the splashes from it is as refreshing as jumping in a swimming pool on a hot summer day
Eduardo Cruz
14 years ago
Barb
I thank you, but to tell the truth it just sounds like crap to me! LOL
Eddie
Eduardo Cruz
14 years ago
Chrys
It's not safe from you even in Crooklyn!! LOL
I have to say it is incredibly interesting write this way, even though I suck at it. I'm still having fun.
Fast mad Eddie,
Don't be suprised when I come rolling out of the night. Hahahaha!
lou
14 years ago
Eddie
A good job, but it still retains the cliche elemant, especially in Stanza one.
Lou
Eduardo Cruz
14 years ago
lou
Isn't that what we're suppose to do. write without the cliches yet hear them in the words, without them being present?
If so then I think I did what Chrys asked us to do?
yes?
Eddie
lou
14 years ago
Eddie
Yes you are right but I thought the idea was to try not to be cliche, and my point was that you still need to work on that.
No offence meant.
Lou
raj
14 years ago
Eddie Boy!!
this is a good one..not sure though that this is worth a podium finish...(just humor)...the attempt surely is nice i enjoyed it....
Hooded Stranger
14 years ago
Eddie
Eddie,
good job and so much better than your usual nonsense!! only kidding, I know how hard it is to re-write these poems and you did good my friend, but Ian is right, the prize is his.
HS