lou

Jun 26, 2011 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

This poem is part of the workshop:

Life- Clichés and their use Workshop Re-Write

An old crone flaps her lips
cigarette butt balanced on her toothless grin,
talking about youths innocence,
about how things are.

How life travels so fast
and teenage years pass
freedom never lasts,
and past loves die.

Preaching the gospel according to the elderly
the hard graft in the factory
the Forman looking over you.
The story of the working class.

The choices she never had,
and the Taxs that she paid.
The war and the friends
That she made.

Churchill and Vera Lynn
and how we all pulled together
the test as humanity bled.
Lived life to the full.

Now she's old and society
has no respect,
as she sips her Guiness
And smokes her snout.

Longing for peace and quiet
of the retirement home,
clawing at her hairy chin.
Eyes bleary and dim.

About This Poem

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: West London, GBR

Favorite Poets: Pablo Neruda , Jack Kerouac, Alan Ginsberg, D.H Lawrence, Jim Morrison's lyrics,

Comments

Barbara Writes

14 years ago

Lou

really nice poem i like the calmness i get from reading it

lou

14 years ago

Barbara

Thank. You, don't know if I like it it's so far away from my usual subject matter.

Lou

Eduardo Cruz

14 years ago

How dare you write such a beautiful poem, I think you're trying to win. You better stop or I will deduct from your pay.
Hahaha!
a really, really good re-write, those damn cliche were a pain in the come from behind!

Eddie

lou

14 years ago

Eddie

Don't be a sore loser LMAO

Thank you, I found this very difficult, I read it and I don't feel that I wrote it LOL

Lou

Eduardo Cruz

14 years ago

lou

I know what you mean, and how I know.

lou

14 years ago

Chrys

Thank you very much, you're correct it did make me think, had to think bloody hard LOL!!!

Lou

Kailashana2

14 years ago

OMG!~ cliche expletive!~c

OMG!

~ cliche expletive!

lou

14 years ago

Anna

Is that a good OMG or a bad one?

Lou

Kailashana2

14 years ago

Ha!

Who am I to argue with God?

lou

14 years ago

Anna

I don't know what you mean

lou

Kailashana2

14 years ago

neither do I. that makes two

neither do I. that makes two of us.

lou

14 years ago

Ian

First of all there is no such word as worstest, secondlly what do you mean by the lady must have friends in hight places?

Lou

Eduardo Cruz

14 years ago

Ian

What are you talking about you and me, let go of my tails. Your not going to high places holding on to me.
( as he pulls out his scatter Gun and shoots the sparrow out of the air)

Eddie

lou

14 years ago

Ian

Lou

lou

14 years ago

Ian

Hope the tablets kick in soon. LOL!!

Lou

Candlewitch

14 years ago

Workshop: Cliches and Their Uses

Great job, Lou! Fantastic imagery. I could "see" every line. I'm just now working on my mess of a poem. I hope I do even half as well.

love, Cat

lou

14 years ago

Cat

Thank you my friend, but this poem needs a he'll of a lot of work.
I'm looking forward to reading yours, im convinced it will be good.

Love Lou

Candlewitch

14 years ago

Lou,

I really like this piece... and how you "stepped out of the box" expanding your area of expertise. Very Vogue...

always, Cat

lou

14 years ago

Cat

Thank you

love lou

raj

14 years ago

Lou

The portrait of an old woman scripted very well by You...you could do w\better with correcting the spelling errors which could be through oversight:-

An old crone flaps here (her) lips
talking about youths (youth's) innocence,

the Forman (Foreman) looking over you.

The choices she never had ("made" could be better),
and the Taxs (Taxes) that she paid.

In any case those errors don't take anything away from the essence of this write...a little bleak but a fact very well brought out to make people think that we should respect the elders..

lou

14 years ago

Raj

Thanks, when I rewrite ill correct spellings.

lou

Hooded Stranger

14 years ago

Lou

Lou,

a tough assignment, but you did it really well. It has more of a Lou feel to it, but it has a calming feel, which isn't quite your style. That said, I can't see how you could give it the full 'Lou' effect as you wouldn't normally write about this subject.

One Cliche dropped in? "Lived life to the full" - I'll let you off as you did good girl.

Mine has now been posted, and it is better than Eddie's, so he is going down!

Lol!

Eduardo Cruz

14 years ago

Ok brother

The party is over I'm coming after you!
you ever see the sky from the floor, that's how far your going, if I can get up from the floor first. LMAO!

Eddie

lou

14 years ago

Dan

I definitely wouldn't usually choose to write this sort of poem, but I did the best I could.

You boys and your competitive natures lol!!

Lou

lou

13 years 12 months ago

Jayne

Hooray !! you made it LOL !!! I Am glad you have joined us. Thanks for your kind comments, this cliche thing caused major problems, it was s hard to write. I'm well known for typos, i will put that right.

Love Lou

lou

13 years 12 months ago

JC

Did you start off with the third task, writing a poem in your own style ? I thought the cliches were cleverly hidden LOL!!

love lou