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Gentle Storm
Gentle Storm
Feb 03, 2008 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

You Shouldn't Have To Deal With This.

 

 

 

Slit my wrists,

Cut my throat,

I don’t deserve to live,

You and I don’t deserve this,

This pain I cause,

This life I lead,

No! I don’t want drugs,

I just want to bleed,

I just want my life to fade,

My heart beat wane

My eyes to close

My breath to stop,

And just to be still,

Through every “Tick” and “Tock”

Of a dusty old clock,

 

Slit my wrists,

Cut my throat,

I don’t want to live,

You don’t deserve,

To have to deal with this,

To have to deal with me,

 

I’m overwhelmed,

I’m freaking out,

I try not to yell,

Or scream, or shout

But I’m losing grip

I’m losing it,

 

 

And I can’t survive,

Not like this.

— Gentle Storm, Feb 03, 2008

About the Author

Country/Region: Michigan/USA

More from this author

Critiques

C

Calliope

18 years 4 months ago

This is ...

..a really good poem! It pours out raw emotion.But you are right it gets choppy at times.The flow is interupted a bit.If you don't mind ,I'd like to make some suggestions. In the line "You and I don't deserve this" change it to"We don't deserve" or"you and I don't deserve" because after is "this pain I cause" and so on. In "No! I don't want drugs" leave out the No! In "And just be still,through every "Tick" and "Tock", change And to To,and leave the quotations out of tick and tock,and leave the and from in between tick and tock And put "my" on the line "but I'm losing grip." Just some suggestions try it out see what you think.Again Its a great poem.It just needs a little polishing. Lacy, Where power corrupts,poetry cleanses.
Barbara Writes

Barbara Writes

18 years 4 months ago

Really good poem

I have bad days, and write my emotions down as a release, My car flying in mid air slamming into trees landing on the tree tops, hoping to die never feeling a thing, Have a few in my collection.
weirdelf

weirdelf

18 years 4 months ago

I have felt the same

And my vote of 3 only reflects that it needs work as you and comments said. There is nothing wrong with expressing despair, as long as you write it well! 8) I have burnt myself, cut myself, done slow suicide with drugs, but somehow managed to stay alive. It's because I can't let go of my necessity to give and love. I wish and feel you have the same. cheers, Jess

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