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"When there's a flaming/Variation

 

 

Johann Christian Friedrich Holderlin (1770-1843)

Original:

"When there's a flaming above the night 

And black as coal

And the vineyard looks, around the

Autumn season, because

More fierily the pipes of life

In the grapevine's shadows. But

Lovely is it to unfold

The soul and our brief life"

Variation:

When there's a flaming above the night

And quickly doused with black resin

The city breaks even, hoarding around

the faceless heads

because they look divine

in the porcelain camera light

of the 6:00 news.  Rushed inside,

looking down or up

we know our stray shapes possible

for notice in the careless shadows,

and breathe again

 

 

 

 

 

— Quillsvein1, Feb 05, 2008

Critiques

RSScheerer

RSScheerer

18 years 4 months ago

both are amazing

This is probably some sort of blasphemy, but I enjoyed your version more than the original. It flows better and you've modernized it nicely! ~ Ronda

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