Price

Bang bang

I lay in the street

I hear screams

But no one on the street

Chest on fire

I begin to fade

Hanging with gangs

This is the price I've payed

For I am lost to gang violence

But even with my death

The guns will not silence

Just cause more violence

Blue rags

Black flags

Thinking of the life i had

— Tragic_Bliss, Feb 20, 2008

About the Author

Country/Region: Idaho

Critiques

poewriter58

18 years 3 months ago

hanging with gangs this is

hanging with gangs this is the price I pay If you are already shot and laying on the street then I would use the past tense This is the price I've paid/or this is the price I had to pay. I'll be following your work Chrys

RSScheerer

18 years 3 months ago

Price

Commenting on diction for these isn't necessary, in my opinion. Maybe it is because I have a son just about your age who writes poetry as well. You are conveying your own experiences in your own language. In some cases this needs to be polished a bit, but not always. Just keep writing. You have some great talent to explore. The rest will come with age. ~ Ronda

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