I Can't Explain

Love and War is in my veins

No matter how much you try it will never change

I remember walking with you and staring into your blue eyes

Knowing if I never saw you again I would cry

War, Anger and Pain I can't explain

Man I can't get your death out of my brain

Love in, War out

These feelings inside, no one knows what I'm about

I don't know how to explain all this Love and Pain

I know you will never love me like I Loved you

Man your death joey, I'll never get through

So now I finish writing about two people in my life

The end of my Pain and Sorrow is in sight

— Tragic_Bliss, Feb 22, 2008

About the Author

Country/Region: Idaho

Critiques

poewriter58

18 years 3 months ago

Taking into

consideration your age when you wrote this not bad at all , you have expressed your feelings may I suggest line #3 I remember staring into your eyes so blue not as choppy and still gets the point across line #1 what do you think about using Love and war FLOW through my veins? up to you as you are the author use your shift key please all in all a good expression of what is inside Chrys

RSScheerer

18 years 3 months ago

I Can't Explain

You defied your own title and did explain. Nicely done. It's raw and unrefined, which suit you as an author. Remember when I said that lower case is fine as long as you keep it consistent? Go back through this one and capitalize all of your "I's" There are a few areas that could be improved by punctuation or choice of words, but in this case I don't think they steal anything from the work. ~ Ronda

RSScheerer

18 years 3 months ago

Very good!!!

Excellent. ~ Ronda

poewriter58

18 years 3 months ago

much better

This came out very nicely I agree with Ronda you have explained it very well Chrys

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