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Tragic_Bliss
Feb 22, 2008 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

She

I fell in love with a beautiful young lady.

She was always running though my mind

Oh, how she drove me crazy.

With soft sweet lips, and cool gentle touch

Nothing in the world could mean so much.

Beautiful eyes that saw right into my heart

Lovely smile, that nearly tore me apart.

She is everything to me, so why cant she see

That i'm falling in love.
 

She is my angel from far far above.

So I end this message with PEACE and LOVE

— Tragic_Bliss, Feb 22, 2008

About the Author

Country/Region: Idaho

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Critiques

P

poewriter58

18 years 3 months ago

good

But not original enough use your own words to describe this love of your life don't use someone else's worn out cliches and lower the volume (your in caps set again) Chrys
RSScheerer

RSScheerer

18 years 3 months ago

She

I think this is a personal piece. You wrote for yourself here, not necessarily for critique. That is not a bad thing. We all have work like this. That said, I would still lose the caps. You're a talented young author. Broaden your horizons as you write for your own reasons and you'll go far. ~ Ronda
RSScheerer

RSScheerer

18 years 3 months ago

Even better

Great job! There are still a couple of apostrophes and capital "I's" that could be changed, but your edit has created a much softer, sweeter tone. ~ Ronda

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