Life Lost

LOSE THE CAPS LOCK ! If you want to be taken seriously, put something out there that does not look like a chat transcript. You started a rhyming structure which you then abandoned for no real apparant reason. The first two lines are conveniant and often times overused for rhyming...Feel - Real. After you abandon the rhyming structure, it's easy to lose interest. You really couldn't find a better more creative and deeper way of saying " SOMEONE HAD TO SAY SOME SHIT " ? In the Tremeloes song " Silence Is Golden " these lines..." talking is cheap, people follow like sheep, even though there is nowhere to go..." Seriously lose the CAPS LOCK CHAT ROOM look it's annoying and hard to take serious. Look forward to a rewrite.

Tone it down a bit , caps tells the reader you are shouting and I don't think that is what you had meant to do Do try a re write on this one, you seem to have something there but you are not quite finding the words to say it Chrys

Unfortunately, caps lock is definitely a distraction anywhere, but especially in poetry. This means I have to agree with the other comments. Also, I understand that you are 17, but try to convey your emotion with a talent beyond your years. Don't worry, I give my 16 year old son the same advice when he writes poems. It's a wonder he still shows them to me! ~ Ronda

~ Ronda

i dig your ending the rhyme is kinda rough but it feels 'from the heart-ish' so it's.. more real feeling nice to see some poetry without giant words to muck it up love the way it isn't too long either =) kudos 'so you left the one you loved the most you left me in the dark you left me on that long cold road with no way to get back'