A Mind At War

Except one typo, "know" in the 5th verse should be known. The plight of suffering by many war vets with PTSD is simply many scars heaped upon our countrt's honor, sadly! Good luck to both of you. Wishing you both the best. You are very strong to stick by your husband, where most women would give up. Have a great day. :))) Patrick/AO

Hi Jeanette, the post-traumatic stress following combat is a terrible thing to witness and something that not all people really understand. I like your poem as it is now (did not see the original), it is both moving and flows well. The flow of the first two verses might be improved with a few extra/less words. So: Behind haunted eyes those memories surge, as blocked out horrors of a war emerge. For so many years now you have controlled, These memories through alcohol keeping your hold I think the line below is a little long for maintaining the rhythm and "mates" is perhaps a little too colloquial "Of memories and horror lived by you and your mates". How about: "Recent events have re-opened the gates To memories of horror shared with your comrades" Just suggestions that I hope you find helpful. Keith

there is a typo Know should be known................. but i really liked the work. this reminded me of a friend i have that was in the bay of pigs. one of the original navy seals.$DEY KNOW$

you nailed a solid worthy theme on this one. as previous comment states, there is a place or 2 the rhythm changes - it's ok. write as if you were speaking these words directly to... the poetic needs of, eventually, will emerge in your speech. read this again a month from now - you'll see your own needs/changes in grammar/chosen speech, without the meat of the poem overcooking/amending the recipe of the theme. poetry is practice, same as golf or 9 ball or most any craft. most of the time, an established rhythm can be restored by a few minor changes, word here, word there. the flow of sound is most important. keep the word mates my opine and move on - you've established a strong vowel scheme throughout - it is difficult often finding the right "rhyme" word - as in above comment - use "comrade" - to me, although a good replacement word, throws off the entire rhythm as is. you could change the whole verse by using "druthers" - recent events have opened your druthers which is simply "wishes." - then in 2nd line, "brothers." play with your poetry. or think "hate" - not always applied to the enemy. (hate blood, hate war, hate VA, etc.) well done i think. write your mind, out loud. poetry is reduction but never so bare the message does not crossover to reader. that requires very carefully chosen words/implications/definitions - letting reader guess or use their brain is good sometimes. never necessary to always write point-blank, though often, writing as you speak is not necessarily always true poetry. always remember, only poetry lovers, love poetry. many despise it, miss the point of the gift entirely, the rest may like it ok, but they tolerate it, not hear it. i'll be watching for that spanish moss. thanks, wheel...

You've already received some of the best advise available, so I'd just like to add, that this is a very good poem and it is most informative for one like me who is not familiar with PTSD. Also, if you change the word "mates" then you must do so by replacing it with something that rhymes, in order to keep the rhythm. Always, Cat