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A
Alobar
Mar 19, 2008 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Haiku

                                                                   there's no moon tonight;


                                                                   the owl flies in darkness


                                                                   its belly now full.







— Alobar, Mar 19, 2008

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Country/Region: CAN

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Critiques

P

poewriter58

18 years 2 months ago

various

opinions on what Haiku is I still tend to use the 5/7/5 pattern as you have done and it is of nature I wonder though if the contraction of there is counts as 5 you could however use WITH and still retain the meaning not bad keep going Chrys
K

KisaMogwai

18 years 2 months ago

uh oh

she's gonna shred my haiku ;) hehehe i like this..and think..'with belly now full' would be a sweet change... til later then Kisa ...they aren't about me..they are about this chick i keep chained in the basement...
A

Alobar

18 years 2 months ago

I think the apostrophe

I think the apostrophe removes the extra syllable, making "there's" a one-syllable word. There is also some question on whether "owl" is one or two. It depends upon pronunciation. I pronounce it with two, and you evidently agree. I choose to stick to the traditional 5/7/5 as well, but fully support anyone's definition as Haiku is in the spirit, our language so different from Japanese. One of my favorites--one of the first I ever read--was by Leonard Cohen and it had four lines, and a whole pile of extra syllable... still Haiku. Thanks for your comments, it is why I posted--it is a form I am just beginning to explore--we'll see where it goes. It is a very demanding form, but so interesting when done right.
Candlewitch

Candlewitch

18 years 2 months ago

I’ve been told that good

I've been told that good haiku mentions the season in some way. I use the 7-5-7 pattern myself because I think it flows better. Anothe way of stating the first line, for example: no moon out tonight You have done a good job on this attempt. Nice imagery. Always, Cat
Marius Surleac

Marius Surleac

18 years 1 month ago

true indeed...

Indeed nice haiku, nice imagery with a lens movement perspective from micro- to macro- state. Beautiful, they all go together perfectly! Cheers!

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