Neopoet

Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

A
Alobar
Mar 20, 2008 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Second Haiku

                                         Morning web in grass

                                         diamond-studded, wet with dew,

                                          I am a fly, caught.







— Alobar, Mar 20, 2008

About the Author

Country/Region: CAN

More from this author

Critiques

Candlewitch

Candlewitch

18 years 2 months ago

Very Nice

It takes me to a Summer morning after the sun has rissen, low in the sky. But before the heat from the sun is strong enough to burn off the morning dew. You know that time of morning when your skin feels both chilly and hot at the same time. I can see the web glistening with moisture, and the hapless fly's strength starting to ebb as he struggles to free himself. Always, Cat
A

Alobar

18 years 2 months ago

Thanks for the

Thanks for the impression--with Haiku, I am trying to paint a picture in the reader's mind, then have them intrigued enough to examine the picture, see what it's all about, get inside of it, find motive, wonder, etc. It's curious, the impressions I've received from some who have read it--they all feel the fly is imprisoned, trying to get free, trying but failing, his moments of life near exhausted. For me, I was tying the trapped-by-the-web, physically, to the trapped--better enraptured?--state one would be in, in the presence of the beauty of the dew-wet web in summer's morning light. Funny, how metaphor works, how people see things in different ways, feel them in different ways. Such is poetry; such is Haiku.
P

poewriter58

18 years 2 months ago

I am a fly caught

This is excellent but I see the fly as been caught up in the dew drops glistening a fly has many eyes can you imagine how awesome this looks to it Chrys
A

Alobar

18 years 2 months ago

I love the form, and will

I love the form, and will continue. Someday, one I'm happy with no doubt. I posted here as well as this is one of my favorites... Thanks for the compliment.

Join Neopoet to leave a critique

Neopoet is a free community of poets who critique and support each other's writing.

Join free Log in