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A
Alobar
Mar 21, 2008 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Third Haiku





                                         In sunshine he sits,

                                         A shadow crosses his face

                                         reluctant, he stirs.








— Alobar, Mar 21, 2008

About the Author

Country/Region: CAN

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Critiques

Jonathan Moore

Jonathan Moore

18 years 2 months ago

Good use of the form

You've got a good feel for the needs behind Haikus and that's maximum information (raw data, emotion, direction) in minimum syllables. And, the most important thing for me, you do not give a hard resolution, rather you give an indication and let the reader draw on their own views for the resolution.
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Alobar

18 years 2 months ago

Haiku (or Senryu) is, at

Haiku (or Senryu) is, at least for me, about the intellectual and emotional journey the words take the writer, then the reader on. In some cases it is a journey into the writer's mind and character, in some cases into the realm of the Earth and its rhythms, in some the mind and heart of the reader, and--this is what I strive to someday achieve--on rare occasions, to all three.
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poewriter58

18 years 2 months ago

EXCELLENT!!!!!!!

You just keep getting better this is perfect except if the subject is a person it then becomes a senryu the difference is one nature the other peeps Chrys
RSScheerer

RSScheerer

18 years 2 months ago

Structured poetry

often helps an author break down the walls and step beyond the boundaries they've set for themselves. Haiku and Senryu are great examples, and you have done an excellent job with this piece. As Chrys said, Haiku deals with nature, which makes this one a Senryu. This is succinctly expressive. ~ Ronda
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Alobar

18 years 2 months ago

You are both correct about

You are both correct about the form being Senryu and not Haiku, I've just always lumped them together under the one heading. Probably a large faux pas on my part, but, as the song says, you say TOmato, I say toMAto... Thank you all for taking the time to read, ponder and comment.
RSScheerer

RSScheerer

18 years 2 months ago

Lumpy toMAtoes?

You are not alone in using the universal term of Haiku. You are also correct in surmising that many times it is just a personal tick when deciding where we lump them. I like to determine the difference between the two when I use them because I love both terms, "Haiku" and "Senryu." I also tend to write more Senryu than Haiku. It is refreshing to see an author with the ability to write more than the typical "butterfly Haiku." The American Haiku, Senryu, Tanka, and Kimo bend so many rules that one wonders why some authors bother using them at all. Reading, pondering, and commenting were all enjoyable. Thank you for sharing. ~ Ronda
Mark

Mark

18 years 2 months ago

Ther are no rules in poetry (NLP)

There are no rules in poetry unless you make them (me) I like to play and think and feel and just see what hapens. At times the fundamental "butterfly" appears and that is fun but at others a philosophy starts to come forward and that just seems to feel better when shined ;) Mark
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pinksheep

18 years 2 months ago

Some

very informative pieces written above , thank you-enjoyed this Senryu very much-lesley-there is so much to learn.

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