Neopoet

Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

A
Alobar
Mar 23, 2008 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Jazz

Eyes closed

Scent is as air smells like here
There is no stimulus

Palate had been cleansed
It is empty
Blank

Toe taps effortlessly
Brushing symbol
Otherwise
No movement

Cool, dead angel trumpets song
Grooves
Follows paths unseen
Evident in retrospect

Bass is thumbed
Metronome
Playful metronome

Softly
Complex piano intrudes
Is welcomed
Becomes part of the whole

The only sense fed on this day
Is aural
But this man
This man in this place
Is sated
And complete
As virtually motionless
In darkness
He rides the groove
To the birth
The birth of cool
— Alobar, Mar 23, 2008

About the Author

Country/Region: CAN

More from this author

Critiques

RSScheerer

RSScheerer

18 years 2 months ago

Close your eyes

and hear the music; almost feel it from right here. The only line that doesn't sit well with me is the second, "Scent is as air smells like here." No matter how hard I try, I can't make it make sense. ~ Ronda
A

Alobar

18 years 2 months ago

Funny, that is the line I

Funny, that is the line I struggled with the most. I'm trying to set up the feel that the only sense engaged is hearing, that you can't smell anything but the normal smell of the room (which is nothing, background, once you've breathed it long enough). I will continue to work on this line, this poem has made me happy, making it worth the time. Thanks, as always.
RSScheerer

RSScheerer

18 years 2 months ago

Get that H out...

...of my name, first of all! *grin* "Scent is merely a background here" Or something of that sort? ~ROnda
Candlewitch

Candlewitch

18 years 2 months ago

Most music transports me to

Most music transports me to someplace else. Jazz is a sensation all its own and I think you convey that. The only line I had trouble with was the first one. Favorite lines are: "He rides the groove To the birth The birth of cool" Always, Cat
A

Alobar

18 years 2 months ago

I know, I was just being a

I know, I was just being a goof! As I said to Rhonda above, the line gives me trouble too--I'm working on it.
RSScheerer

RSScheerer

18 years 2 months ago

Cat

Did you try to read it with your eyes closed? ;) It wasn't instructional! You know I kid ... ~ Ronda
P

purplemoondoll

18 years 2 months ago

It flows like jazz and feels

It flows like jazz and feels like jazz. Very well crafted - I love the closing lines. Kaz It's impossible to smile on the outside without feeling better on the inside.

Join Neopoet to leave a critique

Neopoet is a free community of poets who critique and support each other's writing.

Join free Log in