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C
Calliope
Mar 25, 2008 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Lillith

Alas! I cannot endure this pain

you cast upon me like a beast his burden.

Weighed down by such a heavy load,

I stumble upon your hurtful words.

I fall ever further behind ,
as you disappear into the distance.
Only once did you deign to look back,
and I was shocked by what I saw.

Your eyes no longer sparkled with innocence.
Your hair was lustrous no more.
The spell you weaved upon me was fading,
For you were no longer that sweet little girl.

Now your eyes were like a black abyss.
Serpents were your hair.
Your lips bled with the blood of my wounds.
Ears deaf to my frantic cries.

I see you clearly now ,
in all your vile glory.

Lillith,
The consumer of men,
Devourer of souls.



— Calliope, Mar 25, 2008

About the Author

Region, Country: New York, USA

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Critiques

P

purplemoondoll

18 years 2 months ago

Wow Lacy this is beautiful.

Wow Lacy this is beautiful. Lilith, devourer of souls and reputably Adams' first wife. These lines stood out for me Now your eyes were like a black abyss. Serpents were your hair. Your lips bled with the blood of my wounds. Ears deaf to my frantic cries. The dark undertones are clearly felt and your images are spot on for me. Just watch your spelling, there are a few typos so it might be worth checking again but apart from that this is excellent. Kaz It's impossible to smile on the outside without feeling better on the inside.
RSScheerer

RSScheerer

18 years 2 months ago

Sable beauty, Lacy

Dark and shadowed, full of secrets. The stanza that Kaz quoted is also my favorite. The imagery in those four lines is fantastic. Spelling in a few places and possibly an error in tense, but I'd have to check that one. It's in "the spell you weaved upon me." With these few corrections, your shadowy subject can be fully appreciated. ~ Ronda
weirdelf

weirdelf

18 years 2 months ago

I cannot agree it is great poery

more a self-liberating declaration but eloquently and profoundly expressed. I know the feeling. Perhaps it is good poetry because it affects, but I can't help feeling it is a piece of prose. Glad you made it. And why blame Lillith? It is sociological/pathological this form of behaviour. cheers, Jess
professor

professor

18 years 2 months ago

Lillith

Its a great poem Lacy. My personal favourites are the dramatic last five lines. I suppose I can see what Jess means about the slightly prosaic style but for me it has the definite tone and rhythm of poetry. From what I remember of the story Lilith was supposed to be Adam's beautiful and more cerebral sister who was punished for refusing to be her dumb-ass brother's other subservient half. So it seems that intelligent women have been getting a raw deal on the relationship front right from the beginning and are still being branded by dumb men as witches.lol Should be "weighed" in the first verse. I also think I would have used "deign" rather than "deem". Keith
C

Calliope

18 years 2 months ago

thank you all

for your comments.I have been intrigued by Lillith for many years.there are so many versions of her decline into darkness its hard to please them all,lol.to some ,adams first wife ,others the sister and still others ,lucifers wife,etc.,etc.so here is a dark tale of her evil without being specific.and thanks again for the spell check,i should use it more,lol.and proff,deign is what i tried to think of but my memory is not what it used to be due to meds so i improvise.thanks again all. Lacy, Where power corrupts,poetry cleanses.
RSScheerer

RSScheerer

18 years 2 months ago

Lacy

Regardless of which version a reader accepts as Lillith's decline, I do think that this piece will appeal to all who are familiar with the tales. Your goal of expressing her evil without leaning towards specifics was a success. As for spelling, there are many poets who intentionally use incorrect spelling (I know because I have had my head bitten off on more than one occasion for correcting them). I hope I have gotten a feel for which of my favorites appreciate the "spell check." I still get a bit worried when I suggest corrections, but the editor in me is hard to break. Regarding your memory and words, I suffer the same affliction. Fortunately, the dictionary and thesaurus are my bibles. I have found that it helps to have each readily available when I write, because sometimes the word just won't come on its own - even when it is right there inside my head. Frustrating. Damned meds. Necessary evils sometimes, aren't they? Best, Ronda
C

Calliope

18 years 2 months ago

I , indeed...

...like to be corrected on my spelling.It's been a while since english and spelling class,lol.And I do need to get myself a thesaurus and dictionary,I don't know why I don't have one.I used to have them but I moved so many times their gone now along with my favorite books and things ,but I guess that's all material so who cares,right?Thanks again. Lacy, Where power corrupts,poetry cleanses.
Frost Smith

Frost Smith

18 years 2 months ago

calliope...

if you change the name; the meaning would remain the same, not suggesting you do that rather it is universal, casting aside those who do not meet your expectations. Frost BTW...My seplinlg Sukcs reely baldy; in all seriousness it does, but I just take the suggestions as they come; more important to caputre the essence of the poem then go back and clean it up after; that is what we are here for afterall right.
RSScheerer

RSScheerer

18 years 2 months ago

Frost

lmao @ the spelling As long as you don't hate me, I'm fine with pointing out a few spellcheck issues here or there. You're right, though. The point is to get it out and clean it up later. ~ Ronda
Frost Smith

Frost Smith

18 years 2 months ago

Ronda...

I have only had a few real disagreements on this site; not usually when someone suggest something I could do better in a poem either; actually feel like I have really grown since joining; using the help I have gotten here. However when others attack me or someone else as a person I react/overreact; I loathe bullies, arrogance, and extremeist, none of which you are. I highly respect your work & your comments; please keep them coming sepll chekcing. or otherwise. Thanks Frost
RSScheerer

RSScheerer

18 years 2 months ago

Frost

Thank you. The feeling is mutual and I will chekc your seplling without worry in the future. :) ~ Ronda
C

Calliope

18 years 2 months ago

Frost...

...you have caught the meaning behind the words perfectly.Lillith is just another metaphor for the way people are treated sometimes and that there are many Lilliths in the world. I'm glad you caught and expressed it ,makes me feel like I accomplished my job.LMAO at your spelling, funny. Lacy, Where power corrupts,poetry cleanses.
Rett

Rett

17 years 11 months ago

I see a name.

kind of empty of words right now. Is there any words there or have they been deleted? Rett: "At twenty, if you are not a Liberal, you have no heart. At Thirty, if you are not a Conservative, you have no brain." Winston Churchill

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