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rider68
Mar 26, 2008 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

From A Childs Eye


A mother lies as her child weeps,Tears of despair stain the cotton sheets,Mattress sodden - trapped, the child stares out,Watching - kids play in the street,Comfort found by the blanket - that's wrapped around his feet,Teddy stained by the nights - wet dream,Love has gone - and emptiness looms,Feelings lost and all confused,His cries un-heard,Except for the dog that barks and replies,With a lick to his cheek and a glint in his eyes,Talking gibberish the child stares back,The dog nods - agrees - and walks on by,Sad but true I hear you cry,The fact of life,From a Child's eye,
— rider68, Mar 26, 2008

About the Author

Country/Region: GBR

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Critiques

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purplemoondoll

18 years 2 months ago

Welcome to the site. Wow

Welcome to the site. Wow this is a powerful poem. It took me there. The imagery is excellent and the flow worked for me. Is this based on a true story? I look forward to seeing more of your work. Kaz It's impossible to smile on the outside without feeling better on the inside.
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rider68

18 years 2 months ago

Hi Kaz

Firstly thanks for taking the trouble to comment, Being new not quite sure what to expect, In reply to your question (Based on truth) the loose frame of the storey is something that has and continues to happen and yes I have partly drawn from known experiences but somewhat fantasized. Very Best Regards Peter
Frost Smith

Frost Smith

18 years 2 months ago

rider68...

I must completely agree with Kaz here, the warmest of welcomes; anxious to see what else you post. If you have questions or need any help let us know. Such despair at a young age is heartbreaking; but this shows you are a poet, and I would venture to guess a good one, being able to empathize at such levels is a skill, not everyone has it, nor can everyone handle it. Frost
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rider68

18 years 2 months ago

Hi Frost thanks for such a warm welcome,

Hi Frost Thanks for such a warm welcome, My Buzz it to place myself in a situation and explore the realities of life, It's a great release from a heavy daily work load, Hoping to link up with like minded people and develop a good rapport, Hope to speak again Very Best Regards Peter.
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poewriter58

18 years 2 months ago

Peter

I join with Kaz and Frost to welcome you to the site there is one line in your poem that tore the heart out of me The dog nods agrees and walks on by the entire poem is outstanding but that one line is full of imagery , sorrow and packed with emotion I am looking forward to reading more of your work Chrys
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rider68

18 years 2 months ago

Hi Chrys

Isn't it great when one line can capture the moment and revile so much, I hope that I can continue to stir and excite your sharp imagination I try to find slight humour just to stop from being completely depressing- which isn't healthy for the mind, It's very encouraging to know that you enjoyed the script, Thank you Very Kind Regards Peter
weirdelf

weirdelf

18 years 2 months ago

Powerful stuff

and well written. I can't give you critical feedback, sorry, too carried away by emotion cheers, Jess p.s. one thing, I think the last line is superfluous.
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rider68

18 years 2 months ago

Hi Jess

I am some-what overwhelmed by such constructive response & yes Having re-read with an objective view, You’re quite right about the last line, except that I saw closure? But I am happy to bow to knowledge and experience, Very Best Regards Peter
Candlewitch

Candlewitch

18 years 2 months ago

Hello Peter, I’d like to

Hello Peter, I'd like to add my voice to those welcoming you to the site. Having been there myself, I can say that your poem is a real heartbreaker. I am sorry to read that your poem comes from partial experience in this area. You are not alone. Keep writing. Cat
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rider68

18 years 2 months ago

Hi Cat

Thank you for the welcome Cat I draw from the fact that I have had 50yrs of life, And in this time have like most, experienced a wide and varied life style, With moments of great highs and lows, and have shared times, With many people, from all walks of life, Generally I script from this type of experience, so not too personal "But" enough To feel, I hope, the moment.....well it works for me, I believe in form, a beginning and a conclusion, To me poetry is the capturing of the moment, whether factual or fantasy The next poem I’m about to post, is personal, A great woman that showed me kindness at an adolescent age and since her loss I had struggled To find closure, So I hope that I will do her Justice, I would be grateful of your thoughts Take care Regards Peter
professor

professor

18 years 2 months ago

Welcome a fellow Brit

Hi Peter there is not much I can add to those before me. You have a poet's soul and the gift of rhythm which when combined can tear the heart out of a reader. For me this poem is an appetiser and i look forward to seeing where the next course takes us. As my name suggests i am often the one who points out the minor boring errors even though they have absolutely no influence on my appreciation of the quality of a poem. But this site is about helping at all levels so FYI. It should just be "stares" on the two occasions you use it, "by" not "bye" and "child's" not "childs". Hope you enjoy it here. Keith
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rider68

18 years 2 months ago

Hi Keith

I really do hope that I can develop, as this is a side of me, which has only shown its face periodically off and on over the years, But one things for sure its Barely been 24hrs and I have exchanged words with several fine people, showing Genuine interest, what more could one ask, I can see that I will have to keep on my toes, as grammar was never my strong point, "But" "Hey" never too old to learn, Being new please feel free to offer advice, Meanwhile I will endeavour to complete my profile and include a photo by the weekend. Very Best Regards From a Fellow Brit Peter
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rider68

18 years ago

Thanks Rett

This was one of the first that i had posted, It's great when one is able to convey a solid subject with a few subjective words Glad you enjoyed the read. Thanks for your thoughts and comments Best Regards Peter ~~~~~~~~~Creativity Is to think more efficiently~~~~~~~~~~
Janice Pearce

Janice Pearce

18 years ago

From A Child's Eyes

Such in depth writing you certainly took me there, and that means accomplishing what a good poet needs to do thanks for sharing!
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rider68

18 years ago

Hi Janice

Thanks for such fine thoughts and a great comment, At the time of writing i drew from distant memories, somewhere from deep down past.....So long ago. Kindest Regards Peter ~~~~~~~~~Creativity Is to think more efficiently~~~~~~~~~~

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