For A Dear Friend

Is There Any Way For Me
To Take Your Life Painfully?
To Pull You Near,
Then Cut Your Ear?
To Smash The Distance;
Show My Abhorrence?
You're Interference;
Become An Annoyance.
Come And Take My Hand, Dearest Friend.
The Great Ladies Man,
With Many; Pretty Fan.
You Complete The Corner,
Of This Love Triangle.
Step Your Beloved Feet,
Above The Ground You Left Your Greet,
And May My Icy;
Cold, Steely Knife Of Jealousy,
Be Sweet, Lovely;
And Deadly,
As It Become The Last Thrill,
You Will Ever Feel.

— Jadeath212, Mar 27, 2008

Critiques

Barbara Writes

18 years 2 months ago

Sound like my seventeen year old daughter

Barbara Writes

She is very descriptive in her emotional tantrums

not a poet like me

i write her thoughts in a poem as she vents sometimes

one not to mess with when mad lol

my heart string

really good poetry one suggest should fan be fans?

Jadeath212

18 years 2 months ago

mmmh, okay.

but, that means, what? is it a good poetry? or is it a lame-o one??

Barbara Writes

18 years 2 months ago

I think its really good writing

Barbara Writes

your feeling comes to life here

I have poems saved like this, none posted here

to get off steam as to not loose control ,for me it works.

certainly NOT a lame one

Jadeath212

18 years 2 months ago

thank you, miss./mrs.barbara : )

thanks, ma'am for letting me know this is not a lame one! i'm still a rookie, i just joined neopoets for a few days,not even a week. thanks for the support, by giving such comments to my works. it gives me the fuel, gives me just what it takes, to write, and write more! if this is not too much to ask, ma'am, would you give your comments/criticism to my other works?? would you?pleaaaase (if you have the time and if not too much to ask).... Jadeath Jacob Julio Parchezzi III

rider68

18 years 2 months ago

Hi

What comes across here is not exactly poetry, But hate,anger,and embittered revenge, Which has all the right ingredients for a very powerful script, but to achieve that end, you must look at the form and flow of how you record your feelings, It's not easey always to forefil and achieve, Try to set aside the hate and try flowing from one line to the next, Master this and there could be the makings of something great. Good effort Regards Peter

Jadeath212

18 years 2 months ago

yes, you are a hundred percent right!

you are right, mr.peter. this writing of mine is so full of "hate, anger, and embittered revenge" i will try to make better effort than what i've done, and will always try to improve. your criticism is much appreciated, for i want the truth to help me realize the error of my ways. and if this not too much to ask, mr. peter, will you give your comments/criticism to my other works? i'm still a newbie here, so it is quite hard for me to get my works get critized or commented. Jadeath Jacob Julio Parchezzi III

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