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Q
Quillsvein1
Apr 11, 2008 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Twilight

I have dreamed of escape and I have dreamed of your laces scattered in the alcove Along the dock some mother and at fifteen giving her breast to the hour I have dreamed of escape a forever longed for at the ladder of a prow A handmaiden walking the planks with a cut rose in her mouth I have dreamed of escape buried on the beach like a bowsprit A young one drinking wine with a black knife in her hand I have dreamed of a mother some fresh greens in a newspaper and the stars of dawn's trousseau The length of a dock... the length of a drowning throat
— Quillsvein1, Apr 11, 2008
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Critiques

Q

Quillsvein1

18 years 2 months ago

Twilight

I have dreamed of escape and I have dreamed of your laces scattered in the alcove Along the dock some mother and at fifteen giving her breast to the hour I have dreamed of escape a forever longed for at the ladder of a prow A handmaiden walking the planks with a cut rose in her mouth I have dreamed of escape buried on the beach like a bowsprit A young one drinking wine with a black knife in her hand I have dreamed of a mother some fresh greens in a newspaper and the stars of dawn's trousseau The length of a dock... the length of a drowning throat
RSScheerer

RSScheerer

18 years 2 months ago

How it was intended to appear?

Funny, because my first suggestion was going to be enjambments and end-stops. Not sure if it didn't post correctly the first time or if you came back and changed it within the comments, but the stanzas give it power - a gasp between each image. Complete with stanzas, there is nothing I would change here. The imagery is just too perfect. Ronda
Q

Quillsvein1

18 years 2 months ago

the whole

formatting thing screwed up terribly for some reason when i originally posted the poem. i don't think it's any fault of the site, only my dinosaur computer. anyway, frank stanford is a great poet (now writing an elegy for him) and i would encourage any of you guys to go check out of his stuff, which was placed on the internet by his wife after his untimely death. best!
P

purplemoondoll

18 years 1 month ago

I was lost in the beauty of

I was lost in the beauty of your incredible imagery. Absolutely beautiful writing my friend. I have walways enjoyed your poetry but your more recent work seems to have a new dimension that awes the senses. Awesome work. Kaz It's impossible to smile on the outside without feeling better on the inside.
Mark

Mark

18 years 1 month ago

my mind

was pushed to the back of my head with the impact of this. thanks quills, Mark
S

Synchro

17 years 11 months ago

This is the kind of poem I love

and you have handled it masterfully...the ending packs a wallop, which is a horrible cliche...but true here.....Thank you for a great read....Stay in this vein, and you are a winner....every time. Yours in peace, (Cynthia McKinney for president) Synchro

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