Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

X

A Cure

Tranquility succeeds to engulf me
In soul, mind and heart.
To the ends, beginning,
mend the old roads
Old tracks
 
The ravens pick the dead scavengers                                                                                                                           They lack humanity
As a war of mans insanity reignsBut still though these cold darts,
somehowWarmth creeps into my heart.I feel a light around my plight
 
My eyes see the pain,
I refrighn from botherI cannot care more for their fodderMy care I’ve wasted to many years on their careless mistakes and fears    I found my way out of their catastropheI used the only drug thats freeA secret to my sanity rafting on tranquility
 The cure
Laughter 
— Xenia, Apr 30, 2008

Critiques

X

Xenia

18 years 1 month ago

pLEASE FORGIVE THE

pLEASE FORGIVE THE REPITITION OF THE POEM. SOMTHING IS WRONG WITH MY COMP!! realy sorry.
Candlewitch

Candlewitch

18 years 1 month ago

Hi Xenia

"Mirical" should be "miracle." I suggest that you change "laugh" to the word "laughter" as I feel that will read more smoothly. Have you tried editing out the extra coppies of your poem? Thank you for reminding us that laughter has a great value in our lives. Always, Cat
D

dsaranti

18 years 1 month ago

Comment

Hi Xenia, forgetting the repetitions I thought your poem was really good. Very good meanings, nice flow. Thank you Your friend Dimitri
X

Xenia

18 years 1 month ago

sorry didnt work

Realy sorry. I tried editting extra but somthin strange keeps happening. all that comes is DUGR or somthing. I think theres a virus so ill try to clean it. For those who read the hundereds of copies, Im realy sorry. Ill try doin somthin about it quick
D

dsaranti

18 years 1 month ago

Help

What exactly do you want to remove, I could try to help. Please be specific as to the lines you don't need so I can help Your friend Dimitri
P

poewriter58

18 years ago

Xenia

Here we go Miracle try these suggestions But still through( instead of though) creeps into(not in) my heart On their careless mistaken( or did you really mean mistakes) fears I found my way out of their catastrophic( catastrophe) the miracle drug of Laughter I would suggest revising your title to something more attention getting see how creative you can be with your title say like as an example Laughter's Cure Chrys
P

poewriter58

18 years ago

Xenia

Fix the spelling of Miracle in your title did you mean refrain and it is all good :-) Chrys
weirdelf

weirdelf

18 years ago

no

sure the poem needs work in spelling and grammar. But the answer is action, not laughter cheers, Jess
X

Xenia

18 years ago

I dont disagree but...

We all have different beliefs. I believe that if we can all laugh smile, and be happy with what we have, there would be no need for greed. Then politition, and people in genral's acions would succeed in being selfless and honest then maybe the action we take would be beneficial to all. But those are my beliefs you may believe something different.
P

poewriter58

18 years ago

xenia

much much better refrain is the correct spelling and perhaps use catastrophic instead Chrys

Join Neopoet to leave a critique

Neopoet is a free community of poets who critique and support each other's writing.