Angelic Rose

As to the night which slowly unfolds
small angelic rose’s blossom
their petals torn abused exposed
street life worked for others to gain

permits granted by pimps in shade
lusted adorned by men succumbed,
for meaningless inclinations
derived by drunken illicit plies

suitors subscribe under moonlit skies
mattress walls serve for gratifications
exchanged; looked on by urchins hiding
cowering close by, yet to be grafted
enticed into this depraved life,

— rider68, May 02, 2008

About the Author

Country/Region: GBR

Critiques

Candlewitch

18 years 1 month ago

Hi Peter

small angelic rose’s blossom their petals torn abused exposed and once again the elements of city night life corrupt and drain the ideals of the emergent innocent. Another good piece of work. Always, Cat

rider68

18 years 1 month ago

Thanks cat

Thank you for reading and kind comments, some of your magic is starting to rub off Very Best Regards Peter

weirdelf

18 years 1 month ago

A sensitive portrait of an ugly scene

and bespeaks the cyclic nature of corruption, the degradation of youth. not sure of use of the word plies. As in plies a trade? In which case it doesn't quite work for me here. It needs an object, even if inverted eg his trade he plies. Also the last line feels a bit weak. I think I would go with something like enticed into depravity. Or perhaps something with even more punch. Those first three lines especially are stunning. cheers, Jess

rider68

18 years 1 month ago

Hi Jess Sorry not have

Hi Jess Sorry not have replied sooner, but somehow lost sight of this thread, Your point about Plies - I thought i could get away with it as illicit = illegal and...... Plies transitive verb: to keep supplying somebody with something, especially in an insistent way, Tieing the two together i thought would work, and sat well within the frame of the poem...? The ending as you have picked up, the more i read is questionable i agree, I will look to change, Thanks for your Thoughts and comments Respectfully Peter ~~~~~~~~~Creativity Is to think more efficiently~~~~~~~~~~

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