Birthday wishes to Elaine

On your beautiful birthdayI wish you many happy returnswith joy and happinessand excellent health. I wish your new found hometo be filled with laughter and merrinessto be filled with pleasantmemories and thoughts. I wish you full success at Harvardwith the distinction you deserveand a pleasant two years over there. I wish you a successful and prosperous careerat whatever field you may choose. I wish you to find a good husbandwho will most of allcare for you, love youand treat you like a Queen.In the most beautiful waythat a splendid person like yourself ought to be treated:with the outmost of care and lovetreat you like the mostprecious, priceless diamond, jewel and pearl you really are! I wish you to have happy kidsand when the right time comesI promise to help them out at HBS! But most of all I wish that all the successI see coming in your lifewill not change you one bitand that you will always, always remainjust the same, fabulous outstanding, rare person that you aremy most precious Elaine!!! With all my love and care, Ur Dimitri

— dsaranti, May 22, 2008

About the Author

Country/Region: GRC

Critiques

Jonathan Moore

18 years ago

This is similar to an Ode

And is meant to be a personal tribute. It is intended to be fully enjoyed by an audience of one (1) but can be appreciated for the sentiment and structure and imagery by the rest of us. However, there is a problem. It's normally unwise to use acronyms in writing without explaining what they mean. HBS? Home Bible School? His Broken Scooter? Horatio Brings Swords? Hermes Bought Seaweed? I am in no way trying to ridicule. I only want to let you know the twists and turns a reader's mind will embrace when there is a word or phrase that cannot be defined through context. So, redefine the line and put "at HBS!" on a new line while spelling out the acronym. Also, the last line of stanza five (5), would you consider breaking it into two lines, starting at "diamond" so that the following line would be: "[The] jewel and pearl you really are!" I mention this only because the flow of the poem is established in shorter sentences and the one long one creates a jarring sensation to the eye and mind. --Jonathan Annoying the world, one person at a time (Group discounts available)

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